I moved in with my son’s family, but we end up arguing over various things. I was particularly worried about my grandchild’s future and couldn’t help but interfere, which led to a major argument with my daughter-in-law. The atmosphere has become uncomfortable, and I am torn about whether I should go back to living alone, where I could do as I please. (Woman in her 70s)
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Precisely because family members are so close to us, we may find ourselves clashing with them. Yet, they are bound to us by a special connection—sharing the Kokoro no Michi that stretches back to our ancestors. When our hearts are truly aligned, our lives are deeply protected. Since this relationship plays a pivotal role in shaping our happiness and sorrow, let us strive to deepen our bonds rather than viewing the connection as a burden.
To build harmonious relationships, it is essential to understand one’s position and role within the family. If we use nature as a metaphor, the family forms a single tree: the husband is the root, the wife is the trunk, and the children—if there are any—are the branches. Grandparents occupy the position of the “soil”, supporting the tree from the side and fulfilling the role of “watching over” the family.
Since it is a household that your son and his spouse are building together, the first step is to listen carefully to what they have to say and truly hear them out. You may well discover perspectives unique to the young couple that you hadn’t understood before. Respect their views, and whenever the need arises, do your very best to support them within the limits of your ability.
Trying to have things your own way out of concern for your son’s family, or suppressing your feelings and forcing yourself to act cheerful just to keep the peace, will not constitute the right way to interact with them.
Shinji
Family environment is necessary to hone and elevate a person’s kokoro (unmei-jittai), and to live out life without regrets.
People’s kokoro are cultivated in a family environment where the family members learn the teachings and where the principles are present.
As each family members understand their role and their position and interact, a person can live life in merge with their unmei.
For young couples who often feel overwhelmed by the demands of raising children, having someone nearby who can embrace them emotionally in a warm, loving way is an immeasurable blessing. You will likely be deeply appreciated—seen as someone who believes in and supports them, and who is always there to lend a hand when they are in need—and they will cherish your presence in their lives.
Above all, the way you live in harmony with your family and pour love into them will serve as a model for the young couple and your grandchildren to emulate. You will be able to leave behind something truly valuable in your Kokoro no Michi*—that spiritual legacy—that connects you to future generations. That is, indeed, the greatest duty you have as a parent and grandparent.
Shinji is a teaching that teaches the way of life leading to true happiness, revealed by Kami.
Because it embodies a universal truth applicable to everyone, living in accordance with these teachings will inevitably lead to a turn for the better in one’s life.
*Kokoro no Michi: This refers to the path that connects the souls from ancestors to their descendants. The mindset one held and the life one led are passed down to those who follow. Human souls repeatedly reincarnate along the Kokoro no Michi of the same lineage, continuing on to the next generation. True happiness lies in this Kokoro no Michi, continuing unbroken and strong.