My teenage daughter passed away suddenly a few years ago, and I still cannot come to terms with it. I cry in private so as not to worry my family. Will the day ever come when I can overcome this sense of loss? (Woman in her 40s)
A
The true essence of a human being is the soul. Even after the physical life comes to an end, the soul continues to exist, awaiting its next birth in the presence of Kami. From the world of Hotoke, it constantly watches over the family. When the family lives happily, the soul of the deceased finds peace, and this serves as a form of giving back to them.
That said, the sense of loss that comes from outliving a beloved family member—let alone one’s own child—is profound, and overcoming it inevitably takes time. In such moments, the presence of family serves as the greatest source of support. By supporting and complementing one another and living in harmony, both your own heart and the hearts of your family members will find true stability.
So, rather than shouldering your grief alone, try to share your feelings openly with your family. Lean on your husband and confide in him honestly—telling him, for instance, that you still cannot fully come to terms with your daughter’s death or that tears well up unexpectedly at times. Simply doing so should help lighten your emotional burden. In turn, express your gratitude to your husband for listening and standing by you, and be open to receiving his feelings as well. Through this ongoing process, the bond of trust between you will deepen, fostering an even greater sense of security. It is from this foundation that the strength to live and the vitality of the kokoro will spring forth.
Human souls are repeatedly born into the Kokoro no Michi of a particular family lineage. Upon birth, they receive from Kami an unmei—or life force—commensurate with the temperament and physical constitution that flow through that family. When the surviving family members open their kokoro to one another and live together in harmony and unity, the family’s Kokoro no Michi becomes stronger and more deeply connected. Consequently, when a daughter is born into the family in a future life, she will receive a more elevated unmei, enabling her to live a longer and more joy-filled life.
Now is the time to grasp such principles of life from the Shinji and put them into practice as a family. The realization that there is something you can do to ensure a good future life for your daughter—this hope will serve as a powerful source of strength in overcoming your sense of loss.
Shinji
Human beings weave the Kokoro no Michi as they walk through life in connection with their family members.
Marriage, childbirth, and separation—all are events that unfold within the home.
Now is the time to create an environment where family and relatives make frequent church visits and learn the teachings together.
Family environment—family members—that lives by the teachings is filled with conversations, and has the strength to mutually bring their unmei together to complement each other to live.
Shinji Kyokai offers a rite known as Mitamaokuri (sending off of the soul), which purifies the soul of the deceased and brings solace to the hearts of the bereaved; this ritual is also performed during Myōkonsai (Memorial Service) held at a later date. It is a means of salvation that can be fulfilled precisely because Ōyamanezunomikoto bestows a soul upon all people and all things. Let us make full use of the environment provided by Shinji Kyokai and work together as a family to create a warm home environment where the soul of the departed can find peace.