My elementary-school-aged daughter has an almost obsessive need for things. She repeatedly washes her hands and body, and whenever we go out, she checks over and over again to ensure she hasn’t forgotten anything. When I looked up these behaviors online, the results suggested that she might have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). My husband and I have been urging her to see a doctor, but she remains unconvinced. (Female in her 50s)
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It is certainly necessary to gather information about the illness and to pursue treatment. However, if you rely too heavily on intellectual knowledge alone, you risk overlooking what is truly important. If your child is resistant to seeing a doctor, rather than insisting on your parental desire to “get to the hospital immediately,” your first priority should be to empathetically attune yourself to your child’s feelings and embrace them with warmth. Try working together to create an atmosphere where your daughter feels safe enough to open up and share her true feelings.
To achieve this, it is crucial to strengthen the bond of trust between you and your spouse even further. Not only in matters of child-rearing but in every aspect of life. It is important you make a point of sharing with one another how you are feeling day by day—sharing both your joys and your struggles.
It is also essential for a couple to glean from Shinji—the proper way of life one ought to lead. As the correct approach to interacting with your children becomes clear—prompting remarks such as, “Are you worried about things being dirty?” or “Let’s check together to make sure you haven’t forgotten anything”—the couple can unite their kokoro and engage with the child in a way that fosters a sense of security. From this interaction, a deep sense of reassurance takes root in the child—the certainty that her parents are always there to listen to anything she has to say and will always stand by her side—and her emotional state becomes stable. Then, her vulnerabilities—such as obsessive tendencies—begin to subside, while her positive qualities are nurtured and allowed to flourish.
Shinji
The child feels a sense of security when they see their parent (parents) are united with trust and supporting each other.
The more a child’s kokoro (soul) is enveloped in a sense of security—they will become a child that turns to its parents, fully relying on them to convey the full spectrum of their daily inner stirrings; such as their thoughts lost in anxiety, feelings of longing, or bewilderment.
And when that happens, if you are parents (husband and wife) that lives by the teachings, you will embrace and understand the entirety of your child’s feelings together (as a couple) without hesitation—enabling a dialogue grounded by principles.
Every person is born into their specific family and era because they are needed there. Even a fastidious nature—which might at first glance appear to be a flaw—is, in reality, a unique personal trait harboring the potential to become a strength. For instance, it enables one to “proceed with caution” or “approach tasks with meticulous attention to detail.” Therefore, try refraining from rushing. But instead, interact with your child with a generous, open heart, striving to draw out the very best in them.