My older brother and his wife are taking care of my parents. However, when my mother told me that they were not being nice to her, I felt sad and distressed. When I told my brother and his wife to be nicer to mom, our relationship became strained, and I’m not sure what to do. (Female in her 60s)
A
Each person has different feelings and ways of thinking. Therefore, if you listen to only one side of the story and get involved with others based on preconceived notions, it could end up making things worse. It is important to try to get involved without preconceived notions and based on your own position.
Even though you share the same blood, the home you’re building with your husband is now a separate household from the home your brother and his wife live in with your mother. Just as your mother has her own feelings, your brother and his wife also have their own ways of thinking and circumstances. There are probably hardships that only those who care for them on a daily basis can understand. Before asking your brother and his wife to do things for you, don’t forget to be grateful.
Be considerate and understand their difficulties by saying things like, “Thank you for everything,” and “I’m sorry I always leave it to you.” This will deepen your relationship of trust. Your brother and his wife will also feel more at ease thanks to the support of their family.
On top of that, you should try to help your mother and your brother, and his wife live together in harmony. Help bridge their differences, encourage them to talk things out, and speak warmly to them so that everyone can live in harmony, saying things like, “Mom might have misunderstood,” “She said this, so why don’t you ask her how she feels?” or “They did it because they were thinking about your mom.”
Shinji
The position and the role within the family environment.
Know and understand the respective positions and must deepen the relationship correctly.
Gradually and naturally, the more the family members interact based on the teachings, conversations will come together and be more abundant; and true love will grow among the kokoro of family members.
Above all, it is important to establish a firm family relationship within your own family first. To do this, communicate and share with your husband your thoughts and the family situation at any given time. Having your husband understand your feelings will help you stay calm and see things from a different perspective. By both spouses being involved with your mother and your older brother’s family, you will further strengthen the bonds of your family.
The best way to show your parents your gratitude is to see their siblings and children living happily together. This will naturally calm your mother’s heart and improve her relationship with your older brother and his wife.