My mother is in her 90s. A bad fall kept her hospitalized for a fracture and with the doctor’s recommendation, she went straight into a nursing home after discharge. My mother resisted being at the nursing home at first, so we decided not to visit her the first few months until she got used to the facility. Six months later, when we made our first visit, my mother’s dementia had gotten worse, and looked as if her soul was taken out. There is nothing but regret on my side on what happened to her.
A
The nursing home is not to be blamed for the progression of your mother’s dementia. Nor your decision to put her in a nursing home. The problem lies in your relationship with your mother. You need to be more involved with her. When the involvement between parents and child are infrequent and not so active, the will and the energy to want to live becomes less and less. What you need to do now is to talk to her, tell her how you worry about her, and be more involved with your mother. And at the same time, show her that you are working hard to contribute to whatever environment you are involved in, and make her feel proud and at ease about you.
Shinji (*1)
Human beings live their lives, involved with their family and connect their Kokoro no Michi.
The ties with the family is what becomes the support of the kokoro to live life without regrets.
A family that lives by the teachings is where conversation is in abundance and is filled with strength to support and mutually come together with their unmei.
If we feel connected with our family, people’s kokoro will anchor and their body will naturally stay healthy. Even if you feel some difficulties in having a good conversation with your mother, your feelings will reach her if you keep trying to be in touch with her in your own ways. And slowly but surely, your mother’s smile and calmness will return. And a person who is positive and calm attracts people and their support. And your mother will not feel lonely at the nursing home.
It’s never too late to try your best and to make the effort to become a family who understands about each other and feel the connection at heart, no matter where they are.
*1 Shinji: The principles and teachings that are the word of Ōyamanezunomikoto and given to us through Shisha.