My father’s verbal abuse and violence against my mother were very intense, and I was criticizing and rebelling against my father along with my mother at the time. After my parents got divorced a few years ago, I was finally able to communicate calmly with both my father and my mother. Looking back, I regret that I, as a child, could have done more to help them come to a better resolution and a better compromise. (Female in her 30s)
A
Humans cannot change the past. However, we can change the meaning of an event that happened to become a reassuring event thinking; “Because that happened, I can do this now…” or “Because of that, I was able to think this way now…”. In other words, instead of ending up with regrets, there is always something you can do now.
First of all, let your parents know your honest thoughts and feelings as their child. Both of them are important parents to you. Tell them how much you want to see them happy, how sorry you are for rebelling, and how much you regret that you could have done more. And deepen your relationship with each one of your parents.
Shinji
Family is a necessary environment to hone and raise people’s kokoro (unmei-jittai); and to live out a life without regrets.
As each family members interact with each other knowing their respective roles and responsibilities, people can walk a life in merge with their unmei.
Know the state (worth) of a family environment and be a person (family) who lives by the teachings.
What you need to do now as a child is to live your own life to the fullest. Even if you are concerned about your parents, you cannot carry your parent’s life on your shoulders. If you get involved correctly based on your position as a child, the kokoro of parents and children will come together, and your feelings will be stable. Then you can move forward with your life in a positive way. This is the best way to repay your parents, and you can leave a better path in your Kokoro no Michi.