(MG from Oita Prefecture/70s/Female/Housewife)
I am the type of person who thinks, “I simply cannot tolerate people who run red lights!” Even when I’m just walking down the street, I find myself thinking, “Look at what they’re doing!” or “How on earth can they act like that?” I have a strong sense of justice, and I simply cannot help but fixate on other people’s mistakes. A judgmental impulse would well up inside me, leading me to immediately criticize and condemn them.
Struck by a Perspective Unlike my Own…
On one occasion at Hikari no Yakata, I was struck by a perspective entirely different from my own. Someone there interpreted another person’s unreasonable behavior by thinking, “Perhaps they have something weighing on their mind”; I was deeply moved by such broad-mindedness.
This brought to mind the words of my sister-in-law, who lives with my mother: “It would be easy for me to simply take care of all her daily needs, but if she were to become completely unable to do anything for herself, I would feel so sorry for her. I want her to remain active and healthy for as long as possible.” I realized that, precisely because I am so eager to do things for others, I tend to demand more from them in return. I had completely failed to see the true kokoro—the underlying sentiment—behind their words and actions.
Even when my mother vented her frustrations, I would invariably respond, “That’s not right,” or “You really ought to be more grateful.” I was constantly—and unthinkingly—imposing my own notions of how things should be. Yet, from my mother’s perspective, all she really wanted was simply for someone to listen to her feelings. When she told me, “That’s all I need,” the realization of just how condescending I had been hit me right in the gut.
Efforts to Focus on the Kokoro
I realized, deep down, that rather than focusing solely on the surface—on a person’s words and actions—I wanted to become a truly loving individual, one capable of sensing and understanding the human heart. I stopped trying to win every argument and instead made a conscious effort to simply listen, lending an ear to the other person’s words while empathetically attuning myself to their feelings. Applying this mindset to my interactions with my mother, I began by simply acknowledging what she said—responding with phrases like, “Is that so?” or “You’re right about that.” As I continued to converse with her in this way—occasionally asking, for instance, if anything was weighing on her mind—her complaints gradually began to subside. In fact, she even started to comment, saying things like, “I really ought to work on fixing this about myself.” Witnessing her continued dedication to refining her character—even at the age of ninety-three—my respect for her grew deeper than ever before.
My perspective toward my younger brother and his wife also shifted; rather than focusing merely on the forms of their actions—such as taking Mom to the hospital or cooking her favorite dishes—I began to perceive the kokoro lying beneath them. My feelings regarding my older sister, who lives far away, changed as well; I came to realize that precisely because she cannot visit often, she supports Mom’s spirit through frequent phone calls and letters. Once I was able to see that kokoro, my sense of gratitude toward those around me deepened, and my interactions with them became remarkably gentle.
More Towards a Relationship Where We Can Talk About Anything
Even when my daughter-in-law suddenly asks me to look after my grandchild, rather than simply thinking, “That’s rather short notice,” I try to sense the anxiety and hesitation she must be feeling—reminding myself that “it surely took courage for her to ask her mother-in-law for a favor so early in the morning.” This allows me to respond with empathy: “If I can’t do it, I’ll let you know, so please don’t feel the need to hold back or worry about inconveniencing me.” In this way, I can accept her request with a smile that comes straight from the heart.
That said, there are also missteps. One such instance occurred when I visited my eldest son’s home, thinking, “I have some free time, so I’ll offer to babysit.” When my son asked, “Did my wife ask you to do this?”, I realized that my assumption—that they would surely be delighted—was nothing more than a misconception. Once I shifted my focus to the other person’s feelings, I realized the importance of engaging in conversation and seeking confirmation first. To truly understand one another, we must share what lies within our hearts. My next goal had become clear.
Based on Shinji, Striving to Level Up
Kami reveals the ideal state of the human kokoro—the way our inner selves ought to be. As I strove to learn this teaching and apply it to my own way of life, I found that my heart no longer wavered or became unsettled when observing others. Perhaps as a result, I now find the act of living to be remarkably effortless. Those around me have even remarked, “You’ve become gentler,” and “You seem much more relaxed.” Above all, nothing brings me greater joy than hearing my daughter-in-law say, “I want to live my life just like you, Mother.” Even when I stumble or feel a sudden flare of irritation, I know that as long as I return to Kami’s teachings, everything will be alright. Moving forward, I will continue—with confidence—to refine and elevate my way of life.
Shinji
Learn the teachings with the family and strive to be proactive to interact with family members by the principles.
That these efforts may bear fruit—ask Kami morning ・evening for the rectification of your jittai.
True love will start to bloom within you, and you will become a person who will interexchange with family members based on principles.
Jittai (kokoro) of human beings are honed and dignity is cultivated in a family environment that interacts with principles.
Shinji revealed by Kami set forth teachings on a way of life designed to lead to true happiness. Precisely because these teachings are universal truths applicable to all humanity, if one lives in accordance with them, one’s life is bound to take a turn for the better.