（CG from Okinawa Prefecture/Female/50s /Civil servant）
There was a time when my son was acting out during his high school years. Not only would he go days without coming home, but we couldn’t even hold a conversation. I was so much in worry, wondering what was wrong, yet my husband was dismissive, saying things like, “It’s just a phase; he’ll be fine.” On top of my anxiety, resentment toward my husband for failing to understand my distress made each day a painful struggle.
My Mindset Shifted Completely!
Desperate to escape this suffering, I visited Hikari no Yakata time and again. Through my learning there, I came to realize my lack of gratitude toward my husband. I had suffered from depression in the past and received immense support from him, yet as time went by, my appreciation had simply faded. Even when he did the housework, I would demand things be done a certain way instead of saying “thank you.” From his perspective, he was making the effort, only to have my values forced upon him—naturally, that wouldn’t make him feel good! I was overcome with a deep sense of remorse.
Sense the Feelings and Draw Close…
My flaw is that I am not satisfied unless things go exactly my way—I tend to “demand too much.” However, when I offered kigan about this, my mindset shifted completely: I realized that “being close to the other person” is far more important than doing things properly.
I used to judge things by exactly how much housework was done and what specific tasks were completed. But then, the thought occurred to me: “He did this for the sake of the family.” That shift in perspective allowed me to say to my husband, “Thank you for washing the dishes.” Even after vacuuming, if debris remained inside the canister, I simply thought, “I can just take care of the rest myself.” By finding more emotional flexibility, I was able to let go of the irritation and edginess, making life feel so much lighter. In fact, I even began to enjoy cleaning—a chore I used to dislike—thinking, “It feels good for everyone when things are clean.”
A United Family
One day, wanting to better understand my husband’s feelings, we sat down to talk about our son. He opened up about the worries and sentiments hidden beneath his reassuring words of “It’ll be okay.” Hearing him say, “Let’s figure this out together,” filled me with an indescribable sense of relief. As we calmly watched over our son, he eventually told us, “This is the path I want to take.” Once we had shared our feelings openly, our conversations began to flow more freely. I would share details about our son—his words and how he was doing—with my husband, and we would exchange thoughts and support. By the time our son was facing job interviews, we were fully behind him, telling him, “If you’re ever unsure, we’ll think it through together, so don’t worry—just do what you want to do.” Feeling our family’s hearts united, I was able to face each day with a positive, and strong conviction that “everything will be fine, no matter what happens.”
My Kokoro was the Cause of My Pain
My son worked hard in his own way and landed the job he had hoped for. Even though it is a demanding role that includes night shifts, seeing him head off to work with a smile makes me feel proud. Looking back, I realize that my own intense expectations may have weighed heavily on his heart. A parent’s duty is simply to watch over and support their child’s life; once I truly embraced that mindset, the pressure lifted, and I felt a sense of relief.
The belief that my husband and I were on different wavelengths—and that I couldn’t get through to him—was just an assumption I had made on my own. I think I had always been living in a way that caused myself unnecessary suffering.
A Home where Everyone can Find Peace and Comfort
When I asked my husband, “Have I changed?” he complimented me by saying, “You’ve stopped being so negative.” When our son remarked, “You get along pretty well as a couple.” my husband instantly replied, “Of course. That’s why we’re together.” Lately, the three of us have been spending more time together in the living room. I am so happy that we have become a family who can chat about the little things. I want to broaden my horizons and work together with everyone to create a home where we can all feel truly at peace.
Shinji
To learn the teachings as a family, and the connection based on principles between family members is what cultivates the kokoro of harmony.
Gradually and naturally, it brings the kokoro of family members to one, and there will be more conversations.
Kokoro no Michi, weaved by a family environment where the soul feels at peace, is connected firm and strong, hence good elements will be passed on.
Shinji are teachings that set forth a way of life leading to true happiness. Because they embody universal truths applicable to everyone, living in accordance with these teachings will inevitably lead to a turn for the better in one’s life.