(EM from Shizuoka Prefecture/Female/70s/Housewife)
When one is married for 50 years, it may sound amazing. However, what I have always felt over the course of time was a long-standing marital discord and a desire to get a divorce.
After the birth of our child, my husband developed depression. My two children were looked after by relatives, and I spend all day and night working. On the other hand, my husband stayed at his parents’ house or his sister’s house, and the days passed without being able to rely on him at all. Shortly after our child became an adult and got married, my husband suffered from angina and needed assistance with his daily life. My husband and I remained separated at home, and now, I had to work and take care of my husband all at the same time. I thought I couldn’t live like this anymore.
When I Felt I Wanted to Cherish the Present…
One day, I was diagnosed with stage 2 colon cancer. Fortunately, it was all removed through surgery. What made me happy was that our children said, “I’ll take care of you, mom,” and “I’ll do my best to take care of dad.” I was proud to see them grow to be so dependable.
This brought my desire to “cherish the moment of life.” But at the same time, I felt that my current state of being would make my children unhappy. Home and family are something that Kami repeatedly says to treasure. I used to think that this was impossible for “our” family, but for the first time, it really hit home in my heart to make some changes.
One Step at a Time to Become a Loving Person
However, I was conflicted between my desire to want to cherish my home and family, and my feelings couldn’t accept my unreliable husband and blaming him. However, as I was learning more, I gained an awareness. I thought; “This house won’t work unless I do my best.” I had left my husband alone and did everything on my own. On top of that, I had a kokoro to blame not just my husband, but towards everything around me. “I want to change now, I have to change…” Determined to do so, I studied hard and offered kigan saying; “I want to be able to accept my husband. I want to be a loving person.”
Gradually, my kokoro changed… When my husband seemed having a hard time wearing his clothes, I would tell him, “You should try wearing it this way,” instead of saying, “You’re wearing it the wrong way!” I started to use more “kind” words instead of “harsh” and “strong” expressions. I used to sit next to my husband acting like I didn’t know him when he was restless, standing and sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, embarrassed and worried about other people’s attention. But now, I am proud to say, “He is my husband.”
Now that I think about it, it’s not that my husband isn’t reliable; I just don’t rely on him. Because I was observing him with a cold kokoro, my husband turned his attention to the outside of the house/family. Once I stopped blaming him, my husband started to show more smiles.
Creating a Home Full of Smiles with My Husband
Last year, my family held a dinner party to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. This was our first time doing this with my husband. I couldn’t have made it this far by myself… I thanked from the bottom of my heart for all the support I received from so many people. I can’t believe that the day will come when everyone will congratulate us as a couple. My heart was full of joy.
When my daughter said, “People can truly change.” I was shocked thinking; “Children are watching.” I was also happy to hear my daughter and her husband say, “Do you think we can do it if we try hard too?” My husband and I want to create a home filled with smiles and set a good example for our children and grandchildren.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tell us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
The more the husband and wife foster a kokoro of wa (peace), their home/family will prosper and the Kokoro no Michi broadens and deepens.
Here, your child’s kokoro (life) will also be protected.
Harmonious family environment becomes the foundation that lead one’s life; hence, do not take the teachings of Kami lightly, and strive to make the best of the teachings at home/family.
It is important that every family members have a deep understanding to live by the teachings. The more this kokoro of understanding come together, the family’s unmei-jittai will lead and protect the kokoro of the family members.