(SK from Ibaraki Prefecture/70s/Female/Housewife)
Meals with my husband was so uncomfortable and it just wasn’t a fun thing to do—the food tasted like I was eating sand when I was eating with him. My husband used to be a truck driver but he established a freight company and now has about 40 employees. It seems he is managing the company very well. The company started off with just one driver and a truck (in which my husband was driving), and I was in charge of the accountings. This is a company that we both contributed to grow.
However, my husband always insisted that he is the one making money. While I was going around asking banks for loans, he was going on vacations overseas, playing golf, going out for drinking, having a great time, and cheating on me. I didn’t have any money to use for myself. There were so many times when I asked myself “Why did I even get together with a man like this?”
Feelings of Hate That Gradually Faded Away
I decided to not get a divorce thinking about our children. With much needed of help, I turned to the teachings of Kami and started learning. Then, I came across words like, ‘Love, Trust, and Expectation.’ I would cry as I offered kigan saying, “Do I really need to trust a man like my husband?” In addition, my son and his wife, who used to live with us, decided to move out to live somewhere else because he was tired of dealing with us. My son’s moving out of the house was a shocking event for me.
I studied the teachings of Kami very seriously. Then one day, I came across a couple who also came to Kyōkai. And I see them talking facing one another in very calm manner. But when I thought about my interaction with my husband, I never look at my husband’s face. I realized I wasn’t physically and emotionally trying enough to face my husband.
The reason why my husband would like to go out was because he had no place to relax at home. “I don’t want to see his face,” “Why is he staying in the house? I hate it…” –these were the feelings I had inside me. But surprisingly, these feelings toward my husband gradually started to fade away.
Realizing That I Am Supporting and I Was Being Supported
Amid all this, my husband suddenly came down with sepsis (blood poisoning). As he was being transferred to the hospital, I realized I was there right beside him trying to support him. During his hospital stay, my husband would call me everyday to ask if I was coming to visit that day. When my husband was hospitalized at a younger age, I felt somewhat relieved that he wasn’t home. But this time around, I missed him not being home. There was a sense of mutual feeling that we need each other to be there at all times.
My husband was discharged from the hospital. And we’ve been eating meals together ever since. I am surprised that I am trying to make healthy meals so that he can have more nutritious meals. Moreover, I never knew that eating a meal with him is so enjoyable and it tastes delicious. He used to do everything without asking me, but lately he would ask for my opinions about many things. Our conversations are growing.
As the kokoro among us grow closer together, our son and his wife started to support us stronger. They would come three times a week and help us pick the weeds in the yard. I am starting to feel that all of our kokoro are gradually coming together.
I am confident that my relationship with my husband is going to grow stronger than ever. Of course, there are times when we can’t be honest with our feeling and say heartless words. But I truly feel I want to become happy together with him. We feel we have a new goal to set good examples for our son and his wife.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
Understand deeply about the values (principles) of family environment.
Live by the teachings and your effort is needed to deepen the ties with family members.
The teachings will bring the kokoro of family members together; hence create a family where the family members will live to complement and support each other.
The more you interact based on principles, human beings raise each other’s jittai and the kokoro (love) will sprout.
Jittai will be corrected; the strength of unmei will be honed; and it will be a home where the kokoro (soul) will feel at ease.