(MY from Yokohama/20s/Female)
I was struck by a sudden illness when I was a senior in high school. After having surgery for an ovarian dermoid cyst, I quit high school to focus on treatment. I entered university one year late. There, every day was fulfilling, while studying English, which I love, and working part-time dealing with customers. People around me said, “Amazing how you can speak English,” and “You’re cheerful and nice.” However, I was unsure if this strength and goodness stemmed from what Kami calls the unmei, and if I was truly self-confident.
Have I Been Really Loved?
Now I am a working adult. Several months ago, l learned in a church lecture that it is important for parents to raise their children with love until they turn 15 years old. Then, I thought about my parents.
Looking back, I don’t remember being told, “I love you,” by them. My father used to come home late, while my mother was busy helping her parents with their family business. Eventually, my fathers’ parents started to need to be cared for by my parents. Therefore, they didn’t have time to take care of me and my younger brother. Remembering all this, I was filled with loneliness―”I was not loved by my parents.” And I couldn’t get rid of this loneliness.
I Found Myself Applying the Teachings to My Parents’ Way of Life
“Can a human being understand others, whether it’s family or friends, from the bottom of his/her heart?” When I read this in a church publication (Yūki 27), this resonated deep in my heart. I thought, “I am feeling down imagining I was not loved, without seeing my parents’ true feelings. It may be self-indulgent of me to take it for granted that parents should understand their children’s thoughts and feelings.
I came to think, “Because I have a lot of ups and downs in my emotions, I may have hurt my parents with my words and attitude.” In this way, although I blamed my parents for not loving me initially, I began to be introspective.
When I Expressed My Honest Feelings…
Then, I gathered the courage and asked my mother to find out my parents’ what my parents truly thought about me. Rather than blaming them, I wanted to understand their thoughts and feelings.
My mother told me stories about my childhood. She said that, in the past, my parents’ hearts did not come together, and they could not develop latitude in themselves to be kind to us, but they cherished and recognized me and my brother. When I fell ill as a senior in high school, my father took time out of his busy work to take care of me. Because he is not good at expressing his thoughts, it was his best expression of affection. I couldn’t stop crying as I remembered those days.
I felt my heart fulfilled and imbued with my parents’ love. Since then, I have always tried to use the kind of words that would please my parents as I talked to them, and they, too, have given me pleasant words. This makes our home so comfortable.
I’m still a new figure at work. But, the other day when I was told I was always cheerful, strangely enough, I could gratefully accept this for the first time, saying to myself, “This is my goodness.” I realized the importance of what Kami calls a home where the soul finds peace. Each day I spend with my family has had a great positive influence on my life.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
By placing oneself in a harmonious home where involvements between family members and relatives deepen―a home where the soul becomes stable―human beings can attain true happiness, as their unmei blossoms and their jittai―the quality of their kokoro―is elevated.
Be a shinja who realizes and deeply understands how important it is to have conversations and heart-to-heart communication in a family where the teachings are practiced.