(IT from Yokohama City/40s/Female/Care Giver)
This happened just about six months ago. My third son in second grade started to come home feeling down and sad. I asked him “What’s wrong?” He said, “I was scolded by the substitute teacher. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” And just like that, he completely stopped talking.
Then on another day, my third son wanted to come home early from school, so I went to go pick him up at his classroom. And that is when I saw the substitute teacher scolding the children with such strong emotions. I thought, “It must be hard on my son…” I am involved with school programs as an Origami teacher. And I thought perhaps I can do something in my position to help out, so I thought about talking to my son’s homeroom teacher.
I Needed to Fight against My Own Kokoro
After attending Minori no Tsudoi, I talked to the Kyōkai staff member. And the staff said, “Talking to the teacher might be important. But it’s more important to create a comfortable environment at home.” I thought, “Wait a minute, I need to focus on my family environment?”
I soon realized I hadn’t talked to my husband about the situation. As my son did not talk to his parents, I wasn’t talking to my husband. But there was a reason. I didn’t talk to my husband because when I had problems with our first child, my husband went straight to school to complain. I was still carrying that indifferent feeling I had from the past experience.
Before facing my husband, I needed to face my own kokoro. I offered kigan to let go of my indifference. And before I talked about my third son’s situation, my feelings towards my husband came out of my mouth first. I said to him, “I trust you, so can you listen to what I have to say?” Then my husband said, “It must be hard for teachers too.” And he gave inputs on how to resolve the situation.
Starting to Like the Strict Teacher
My husband practices run with my son who isn’t much of an athlete and takes a bath with him. Recently, my son would come out of the bath with a bright look on his face saying, “Sorry to keep you waiting!” And gradually, he started to talk to us about what happened at school. At first, he had a sense of fear towards his teacher, but gradually, he started to tell us more about how his teacher praised him that day.
Then in March, on the last day of the school year, we had a little surprise. As my third son walked into the house, he said, “Knowing it’s the last day, I couldn’t stop crying. I like our substitute teacher.” I heard that the substitute teacher had be assigned to another school. When I heard my son say, “I hope my substitute teacher is doing well,” I couldn’t help but crying. All I could say was, “I feel the same way too. Our feelings will definitely reach your teacher!”
My husband was surprised about the changes my son had gone through, and he was extremely proud and happy about it. My husband said to me, “We use to be like oil and water. But now, you are the one who sees the details while I see the overview. I think our respective talents are complementing each other.” What he said was true. I can see the details of things, but since I tend to worry too much, I am saved by my husband’s wider viewpoints.
We have a Yuzu citrus tree that my husband and I planted. It has recently sprouted a new bud and the growth it made has amazed us. We want to grow (like the tree) to become a husband and wife who can always be honest and truthful to each other.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
Let me teach you the secret (education) that would draw out the child’s strength (unmei).
Just enjoy the conversation.
Husband and wife should simply tell each other’s feelings and enjoy.
And through these conversations, tell the feelings of the both of you to the child.
Naturally, the kokoro to harmonize will be fostered, and your child’s kokoro (unmei) will sprout as the mutual unmei will come together and support each other.