I am a single parent, and I can’t make enough time to spend quality time with my children because I am so busy with work and things around the house. My human relationships at work isn’t going so well either, and I feel bad that I am taking my stress out on my children. What can I do to be better? (Female in her 30s)
A
With all the responsibilities with so little time, the children should always be your priority. And with that priority set, you should use the rest of your time allowed to give back to the community or your work. We suggest to keep this balance at every time.
And at the same time, do not try to take over the role of the father—just stay focused on being the mother to your children and engage with them staying focused on that. When we talk about the family as a tree, the mother is always the ‘trunk’ that connects the kokoro of family members. Even just for a short time, try to interact and exchange to find out what your children are thinking, and share your love for each other. And it is also very important to praise the children so that they can grow their good points.
Through these exchanges, your kokoro and your children’s kokoro will feel comfortable and your feelings will anchor. And as the family environment become a place of comfort, the unmei—the individual strength to live, will be drawn out. And when this happens, your good points will surface and accelerate, naturally helping your relationships at work to become more pleasant.
Shinji
Make the teachings as the support of your kokoro (life) and live.
Living your life now as a single parent, what you should do is to have the kokoro to give back; never forget to have the kokoro (effort) to make the best of every person you meet and every encounter you have.
The encounters will naturally expand and grow deeper, and your ever day life will return to one with livelihood.
Work is not there to protect your life. It is there to help build your life as a mother and children to be fulfilling. What’s most important is to bring the kokoro together as a family and live life. Please have this deep in your thoughts. And if you can change your focus, you will most definitely be able to spent every day life where your kokoro is filled with fullness and livelihood.