(RI from Shizuoka Prefecture/40s/Female/Cleaning Staff)
Last year, my story of a miracle I experienced with my eating disorder I suffered for 30 years, was posted on Voices. And this summer, my younger brother, who lives outside the prefecture, underwent surgery for a brain tumor and recuperated at our house where my parents and I live. At first, I didn’t want him to come back. For, he had often ridiculed me, saying, “You dropped out of high school. You are not independent yet.” My heart was filled with hatred and anxiety.
The Soul-Searching I Did Before My Brother Comes Back Home
On the other hand, I also thought I shouldn’t see him with such a disturbed heart. Therefore, I consulted a Kyōmu Sōdan staff about this, and as a result, I could change my mind. I started to see him from a different angle. I came to sympathize with him, who had been working hard to support his wife and children, but became unable to move freely.
I also remembered those days when I couldn’t go to school. At that time, he would come to my room, play games with me, and read manga for me. I was reminded of how much I was saved. I changed my mind completely, thinking, “This time, I will make a place for him in our home.” I felt my heart being protected by Kami.
He was not able to talk a lot because of his illness. But when I said hello to him with a smile, he shyly smiled back at me. Over time, I gradually became encouraged by his presence. He was working remotely, trying hard to support his family. He no longer made fun of me like before. He was not what he used to be. And I also have grown from what I used to be 30 years ago. I felt really happy about this.
Words from My Families Are My Source of Confidence
My mother said to me, “Thank you for being with us. It helps us a lot. Papa is feeling the same way, too.” Being single and not highly educated, I had regarded myself embarrassing my parents. But her warm words made me feel ashamed of myself feeling that way. It was because my brother came to our house that I realized my family’s love.
Having finished recuperation at our home, he returned to his home where his family were waiting. And a life of three of us―my parents and me―has started again. But my heart is never the same as before. I used to say to my family almost every evening, “I am nobody,” “I’m not married.” But now I have decided not to say them ever again, for I strongly feel needed by my family.
My current cleaning job was introduced to me by my father. In the past, I used to feel guilty that this is the only thing that I can be of use with. But when my father says, though bluntly, “Thank you for cleaning,” I feel like I’m on top of the world. It makes me happy to feel useful to my family. In this way, Kami constantly gives me joys. Therefore, without feeling warped or overexerting myself, I hope I will be able to realize what I can do now in each situation, and focus on doing them one by one, putting my heart into them.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
Learn the teachings and always strive to interact with your family members based on the principles.
Conversations will gradually increase and deepen, keeping your kokoro(emotions) calm and peaceful.
Your jittai will increasingly be elevated, allowing you to walk a life at one with your unmei.