(YI from Kagawa Prefecture/Female/50s/Dental Hygienist)
When my son was diagnosed with autism 20 years ago, my mind was always preoccupied about him. I offered kigan about my sufferings and it was 20 full years of days supported by so many people.
My son turned 23, and started to work for a cleaning company using an employment quota for persons with disabilities. We thought he reached a mile stone, but his symptoms of autism started to gradually come back. He would worry about every little thing. For example, he would worry about being sued just by accidently touching a shelf at a store. Or he would call me in fear of being sued because a driver in a car honked at him riding on a bicycle. I would tell him “Everything is fine.” But he would repeatedly ask me the same questions to be reassured. And would continue to do that even after he comes home. And my patience is pushed to the limit when he does that. My husband would even yell at him saying, “Enough already. Don’t ask the same thing over and over.”
Realizing That We Were Lacking Two Things of Our Kokoro
What would make our son feel reassured? Is it best to just listen to him?
The teachings of Kami made us realize about two things.
First thing was; that we weren’t taking him seriously—we were not listening to him. We would tell him “No one will sue you” in a positive tone. But for him, his worries about being sued was for real, and he was desperately seeking for help. But we were not trying to nestle along with his kokoro, and were not seriously thinking about the solution for his problem.
And the other thing was; that I wasn’t having enough conversation about my son with my husband. I was worried that if I talked to my husband about it, he would act strong against my son. But knowing him, he is a type of person who would try to come up with a good solution. I thought I should have depended on him more without worrying about little things.
Started to See Our Son’s Kokoro, and the Kokoro as Parents
Having that two awareness, I came up with a good idea. I remembered I used to ride on the bicycle with my son to go to high school. So, I talked to my husband and suggested that I would go with my son to his work in the morning. He would ride his bike in the front, and I would follow him with my bike. Riding along on the road on two bikes, my son looks happy as he turns back to check with me. Looking at his face, it makes me love him more. Then I found out that going to work on a bicycle was quite a work out with a lot of sweating. But he never complained.
As I see him riding a bike from the back, a memory came back to me about my childhood. One time as I was on my way to nursery school with my mother, I asked my mother to get me nuts from the tree. And my mother would smile and got me some. I was following my son on the bike thinking that I want to love him just like I was loved by my mother.
Feeling the Importance of Family from the Bottom of My Heart
When my son returns home from work, I would say, “It must have been hot. You worked hard again today.” He would smile at me and say, “Yep!” And the more his smile grows in abundance, his occasional phone call to ask me if he would be sued by someone has decreased significantly.
The family members I am here today is here because they are necessary in my life. Our family was able to come together because of my son. And because of him, we were helped and supported by many people and we were able to have gratitude for many people. I believe that I was given an important awareness that the starting point of life is the family.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
The more the teachings are learned as a married couple, the awareness about the role and position as parents will deepen; the parent (parents) thoughts support the life of your child, and fosters the kokoro that comes together with the Kokoro no Michi.
This is the kokoro (the state) of parent (parents) that leads the independence of your child in the correct way.