(SH from Chiba Pref./20s/Female/Housewife)
I felt difficulty in raising my first son since he was a baby. Even at the age of three, it took several hours to put him to sleep. He throws frequent tantrums, and once he started crying, there was nothing we could do to stop. I started to lose my temper towards him, and often blamed myself for being that way and forced myself to be a 100% loving, good mother. I felt devastated when my son started to hit me saying “I hate you!”
Releasing the Mindset of ‘I Must’ or ‘I Have to’
The doctors suspected that my son has a high chance of having autism. Getting that diagnosis, people might worry about the future, but for me, I was in tears with a sense of relief that I don’t have to push my son into doing something anymore. I truly believe my kokoro (*1) was protected by Kami (*2).
It was just about then, I was struck by a phrase I read in the church book of ‘Richi no Shinri’ that there is no handbook or an example to a family. I always felt that I ‘have to’ do something like taking him to the park and letting him play. I was so focused on what to do, and had lost my attention to focus on the kokoro.
The urgent change needed was to change my kokoro to be calm. I used my energy to repeat “No, don’t do that!” all day. Before I knew it, my son was talking to his 1- year-old brother in the same language I was talking to him.
The More I Started to Focus on Bringing the Kokoro Together With My Husband…
My kokoro was influencing my husband in a bad way. My husband was tired of me always worrying and talking to him about our son. So I decided to talk to him with a brighter attitude and also tried to share the growth I see in both children and all the good things with him instead of worries.
Then one day, my first son learned how to say “Can I borrow this?” He used to just grab and take away toys from his friends, so being able to say this was a big improvement for him. And from the moment I started to praise him for his good job, his growth began exponentially. He would gently talk to his younger brother and also started to take baths and change his clothes without fussing. I was surprised to see how he had the potential to be so calm.
Trying to Make Our Home a Comfortable Place to Be
The other day, I was in tears when my son suddenly said, “I love you mama.” I was so happy. I’ve always had this stereotype that children with autism have difficulty in communicating their feelings. But that wasn’t the case with my first son. He would go up to people and be friendly with anybody. I love his happy nature.
In retrospect, my kokoro is a lot lighter and free from tension to become a perfect mom. I can be nicer. I have no doubt that my family will become happier as long as we live with Kami. Although I am already truly happy, wrapped with a peace of mind.
Heeding the Shinji (*3) to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
The love that the parents show through their experiences will anchor the child’s sensibility, and help them gain a kokoro (life) to be rational.
Learn the teachings as husband and wife.
A family environment where the teachings are put into practice in the conversations between husband and wife, the kokoro of your child will feel a sense of relief, anchor, and the strength of the child’s unmei (*4) will be drawn out and honed.
This family environment is the education in a family environment.
*1 Kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul (unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.
*2 Kami: Great power above named Ōyamanezunomioto, the source of all life.
*3 Shinji: The principles and teachings that are the word of Ōyamanezunomikoto and given to us through Shisha.
*4 Unmei: The unique strengths given to each human being at the time of birth by Ōyamanezunomikoto that allows us to be useful in society, to help others, and to live life of hope, meaning, and purpose.