(KK from Kyoto Prefecture/80s/Female/Housewife)
My husband was too proud of himself, had affairs, and live as he liked. He did nothing for our family, so I thought I wouldn’t cry even if he passed away.
The Words That Motivated Me to Change My Life
Twelve years ago, I went to Kami no Yakata with my husband. And I was asked, “Is he your husband?” I was surprised that although I was with him for decades, we had not been seen as a husband and wife. The words stirred up the will to change our relationship. I knew that there was invisible gap between us, I came to think I want to fill the gap even a little.
Then, I started learning Kami’s teachings. What is a husband and wife? What is family? As I learned the teachings, I could be aware of many mistakes that I made. I only blamed my husband, but I didn’t know how to establish a family. I hated him and didn’t even try to create a rapport.
I looked back at my past carefully, and realized that my husband cared me but I was blind about it. He was a person of few words. When he had a business trip to the US, he came back home with a souvenir. It was a watch. I received the watch without considering his mind. But, in retrospect, it was my kind of design. It showed that he thought about me and chose it. Then, I realized I had ignored his thought and feeling throughout our entire relationship.
The Gap Started to Be Filled
Kami’s teachings made invisible, visible; the thought and feeling of my husband, what it is to be a wife, the principle of life. My heart to blame my husband subsided. However, there was a remorse that remained within me—we had been a bad example of a husband and wife for decades. We both wanted to leave behind good elements for our family. Thus, we decided to register for Myōkon Vow, and pledged to live abiding by Kami’s teachings.
Meanwhile, my husband came down with the symptoms of dementia. I had cared for him at home, but since I hurt my back, he needed to be hospitalized. I joked around with him and told him, “When the time comes, I will just follow the nature and pass away.” My husband said, “I will follow you right away.” “I cannot live without you. I cannot apologize you enough.” The gap has gradually been filled for twelve years.
The Love Transmitted From His Hand to Me
Whenever I call his name, he would squeeze my hand back. He is unable to communicate anymore. However, I feel his love through the strength and warmth from the squeeze. Every time I talk to him, he nods his head. “Our son cannot come today, but he wanted to say hi to you.” “I harvested huge potatoes today!” “Are you offering kigan in your heart?”
“You will be fine. Kami will protect you!” I said and squeezed his hand. I feel the gap between us is filled completely. I believe we are given time to show a good example of a husband and wife to our children.
I could dimly perceive the reason why I married with him. I believe I can feel them more.
Heeding the Shinji(*1) to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji
Life of a husband and wife—Live and deepen the encounter.
This is the true condition of a husband and wife.
The essence to deepen each unmei(*2) and tie is love.
If you live abiding by Kami’s teachings, the unmei will gradually come together and deepen, and they can establish a family in harmony.
Keep in your mind the existence of Kami(*3), and live precious life together.
There, kokoro(*4) of two will be lived in Kokoro no Michi(*5) beyond the era.
*1 Shinji: Words from Ōyamanezunomikoto, the source of all life.
*2 Unmei: The unique strengths given to each human being at the time of birth by Ōyamanezunomikoto that allows us to be useful in society, to help others, and to live a life of hope, meaning, and purpose.
*3 Kami: Great power above named Ōyamanezunomikoto; the source of all life.
*4 Kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul(unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.
*5 Kokoro no Michi: The principle about the path of the kokoro that all human beings traverse their entire life; it is the principle of Kami, Hotoke, Hito no Michi that Ōyamanezunomikoto revealed to the world through Shisha; at the end of our life journey, the eternal soul and our life path continues on through our descendants.