(YT from Ehime Prefecture/80s/Female/A Housewife)
My grandchildren are the apple of my eye. I live alone now and I often visit the family of my children who live in the neighborhood.
Although I Did It for My Lovely Grandchildren
However, my son and his wife were formal and I really felt uncomfortable. They scolded that “You do not need to do that!” when I tried to give some allowance to my grandchildren. Then, I was angry at them and felt that “How rude they are. They do not even say “thank you” to me.” I became unwilling to visit them gradually, and I grew lonely that I could not meet my grandchildren.
Once I read the books of the teachings, I found Shinji that said, “There is no difficulty. What you do is exchange the thoughts of each other and enjoy conversation.” When I reflected, I noticed that my behavior might be not the exchange of the thoughts but a one way of my request. I used to open my wallet and gave an allowance when my grandchildren helped me. That was because it was really happy for me to see them pleased. However, I noticed that it was my self-satisfaction. I did not think about my son and his wife about giving their children allowances without their consent at all.
Good things for My Son’s Family
When I apologized to my son and his wife, he told me that “They could gain something whenever they do something for you. I did not want to raise my children to demand some reward for their help.” I really shamed my self who got angry that “There is no problem since they are pleased so much!”
Grandparents are the position of keeping eyes on each family member. It is to involve with them with kind feeling without interfering at all. I learned Kami’s teachings and stopped doing anything which I thought it was the best. Although I used to cook dishes and delivered them before, I tried to ask my son that “I will cook XX from now on. Would you like some to eat?” Meanwhile, they asked me various things, and sometimes they invited me “Let’s eat together.” I feel that it is just an exchange the thoughts not the figures.
Be Filled with a True Feeling of Happiness
I came to understand my son and his wife more than before. For example, they make the best of strength toward work or they love children and always think about them as parents. When I talk about them that “Your father is….”, they listen to me as they shine their eyes. I never give them any allowance now. Instead, I tried to tell them a lot of feelings of gratitude. My son and his wife praise them as much as they could when they are there. What a pleased face my grandchildren have!
To send an obedient message from the point of the other person. My dark day changed a bright day by only doing this. It was true that “there is no difficulty.” I realize a greatness of the teachings.
Heeding the Shinji (*1) to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji
The teachings are the principles. Just keep it in mind and practice it.
The more you practice, conversation is increased and you could establish a family that support each other through each existence.
The family make the best of the teachings, the kokoro (*2) of each family member become one and jittai (*3) will not brought about.
In the hands of Kami, the kokoro of each family member is leaded, deepen ties, and the family will flourish.
*1 Shinji: Words from Ōyamanezunomikoto, the source of all life.
*2 Kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul (unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.
*3 Jittai: The positive and negative physical and emotional traits such as disposition and personality that we inherit from our parents and ancestors that are also passed down from us to our descendants; the movement of the kokoro according to these inherited traits.