(TK from Tochigi Prefecture/80s/Female/Housewife)
My husband passed away at eighty-seven years old. It has been thirty-two years since he suffered a stroke. “See you. You did your best.” I talked with his remains.
Our Kokoro Communicated Through Eye Contact
His care at home lasted for thirty years. He only spoke “Uh…” or “Ah…” and he needed assistance when he ate or took a bath. At that time, I was entering my sixties and I thought I would enjoy the next stage of life with my husband in comfort. So, seeing him bedridden was very painful.
I do not know how many times I spoke to my thoughts to Kami. Sometimes, I would take it out on my husband and say “I cannot do anything about me…give back my life!” out of frustration and stress. But then, what came to my mind was Kami’s teachings. “The basis of happiness is the family with harmony. ” Then, I realized my painful feeling came to fade away. I was more able to see how hard was it for my husband who was under the situation that he could not move and speak. “I want to cherish the Kokoro of my husband.” Such kokoro came to grow in my mind.
Soon, I came to find and understand the happy or frustrated look on his face. When I asked him that “Dear, was it good?” he looked at me with calm eyes. I could understand his feelings through his eyes…. I experienced the inexpressible happiness.
His Existence Encouraged Me
Although I advanced into my seventy through eighty years old and the physical strength was declining, but I had no intentions of putting him into caring homes. That is because he deeply loved our home. Most of all, our children supported us well. I could not have possibly done the assistance of a bath and meals by myself.
One day, my grandchild said to me that “Grandma, you need to appreciate Grandpa.” I really agreed. My friend often asked me “Why are you so cheerful?” I knew that it was my husband who gave me the courage and energy to be so cheerful and lively each and every day. And also, I can assure that Kami has been always giving me a bright kokoro.
My husband got weakened gradually and had to be hospitalized at last. Since his leg was cold, I always brought a hot towel which I heated at home and put in a thermal container. When I wrapped his leg with a hot towel, he looked at me with relief. “Our kokoro is in sync with each other.” I could experience this happiness until the end.
Precious Time Given by Kami
What I felt at Gyokunōhōju was a thought of my husband. I was told through the words from a Shisha who had sent my husband’s soul that he passed away without any regret. I could not talk with him for ten years; therefore, it was so pleasant for me to hear that.
The date he got sick was on October 20th. Thirty-two years from then, I have been kept on visiting at Kami no Yakata every year. I really appreciate Kami from the bottom of my heart that saved his life and deepened the ties as a couple.
Now, my children support me who live alone. Now, I talk to my husband every day through kigan, “Dear, I will do my best until I become one hundred years old.” I can imagine his smile.
Heeding the Shinji (*1) to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji
When people walk the path of a Shinja, everyone grows the kokoro (*2) of harmony and could attain a family that brings out happiness.
The more you learn the principle of the teachings,
the principle of the path will brighten the kokoro of the family.
Husband and wife keep close relation as they enjoy their conversation(*3),
parents and children will stay together and connect their way.
Time passes, crosses generation, the life of family inherited to the path of kokoro.
-The basis of happiness is the family with harmony. –
This is a family that abides by the principles.
*1 Shinji: Words from Ōyamanezunomikoto, the source of all life.
*2 Kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul (unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.
*3 Conversation: Conversation Kami taught us is not only exchange the words. It is a way that tell a feeling of consideration for each other by words, expression, and attitudes.