(SS from Aomori Prefecture/60s female/Nurse)
Kami is an existence that I could not see. However, I am sure to have a belief that I am always with Kami.
Deepened Ties with Kami as I Rely on More
I have been suffering from a collagen disease which is said to be an intractable disease for a long time. I have a sharp pain and could not even sit down. Even though the medicine could remove pain, I could not do anything toward the suffering and worry of my kokoro. In such case, I had appealed my thoughts from the bottom of my heart to Kami that “I feel pain! I cannot stand!” My kokoro I could not control by myself became calm and settling mysteriously through the power of Kami. Through kigan, I have experienced ties with Kami so many times.
I was also moved by the Kami’s teachings. Kami teaches us how to gain a healthy kokoro. When I look back at myself, I feel how unhealthy my kokoro was. I think negatively that “I am hopeless.”, or I said more than enough to my sons. To modify my kokoro from the point I realized, I wished Kami and tried to modify.
Accept Myself in a Collagen Disease
Now, I feel that my kokoro became strong remarkably than before. It is because I changed my kokoro not to hate myself in a collagen disease but accept it as I live with the disease. Last year, I had an operation for the finger in my left hand under the influence of a collagen disease. Although it was a third time operation, I did not have a feeling that “I have to again…”
I was forced to leave the job. When I reported it, my boss replied “Even though you could not work, it is enough for us you are here. I am waiting for you.” My sons encouraged me a lot. There are so many people who care for me. I felt gratitude and began to gain strength that “I want them to give back what I can do after becoming well! Everyone including doctor and nurse cared me a lot, and all I could do was to say “Thank you.”
Although I could not drive after the operation and went to my rehabilitation by using bus or train, and this chance was a succession of joy. The scenery from a car window was so beautiful! The ray of sun is shining. A little child was walking with full of energy. I could meet which I could not realize when I drive, my kokro is filled with happiness.
Welled Up Confidence to Live
During my rehabilitation, my eldest son who lives nearby came to my house to make dinner. Pizza, a dish cooked in nabe…his hearty dinners were set at the table and our trivial conversation became lively. The second son who lives in Thailand often contacts me. I feel happy since our kokoro is tied to each other. Kami taught us that the basis of happiness is a family in harmony, and this is true. It is thanks to Kami that my kokoro is really healthy even though I have an intractable disease. I could get over anything if the teachings are there as my guidance. Now, I am filled with the confidence.