(KS from Kanagawa Prefecture/50s/Female/Housewife)
Despite his hearing impairment, my husband made it a daily routine to announce his return home with a loud “I’m home!” The moment I went to greet him, he would—without even taking off his shoes—start telling me using sign language, “I have to tell you what happened today…” But then, one day, he became much less talkative. At first, I attributed it to the loss of his father. However, he stopped conversing altogether, spending his time looking at his smartphone or watching TV, and we would simply exchange details about the next day’s schedule before immediately going to bed. It was only after this pattern became the norm that I finally felt something was wrong.
Striving to Become a Family that can Talk About Anything
At the church study session, I had a wake-up call when I heard that conversation is meant to be an exchange of warm feelings. Up until then, my words had consisted only of instructions like “Don’t do that.” Even when my husband tried to talk to me cheerfully, I would prioritize my own agenda, telling him, “Just a minute.” It was no wonder he had fallen silent. That was when I resolved to make a change: I had to aim for a marriage where we could discuss anything, truly acknowledge each other’s feelings, and both feel a sense of belongingness. That was the decision I made.
Conversation Became more Heartfelt
I made a conscious effort to value my husband’s feelings; whenever he spoke to me, I would pause my housework, look him in the eye, and listen attentively. If he sighed while working from home, I might ask, “Is work tough? Would you like some coffee?” Through these repeated interactions, our casual, everyday conversations increased. When he brought home a souvenir, I could sense his desire to please me, and a “thank you” would come naturally. It was a far cry from the days when I used to snap, “Don’t put that there—it makes it hard to clean!” Even when conveying the same message, I learned to choose my words carefully—asking, for instance, “Would it be okay to put this over here instead?”
One day, I offered some advice to my husband, who was struggling with workplace relationships. A short while later, he told me with a beaming smile, “I did exactly what you said, and it worked out great. Thanks!” That was the moment I felt a true connection between us. I couldn’t help but say, “I’m so happy we can talk like this again! You mean the world to me—you’re my treasure.” He looked a bit embarrassed, but he was clearly delighted.
Facing My Mother-in-Law’s Illness Together
It was during this time that my mother-in-law, who lived far away, was diagnosed with cancer. Overwhelmed with worry, I kept interfering and offering unsolicited advice, which led to arguments with my husband. Upon reflecting calmly on my actions, I realized that even within a family, there are boundaries—and simply because we are related, it does not give me the right to say whatever I please. When I apologized for overstepping, my husband replied, “I’m not angry. Let’s work through this together.” As we talked, our views began to align, and my anxiety subsided. I was able to assist my husband as he devotedly cared for his mother, and we were ultimately able to see her off peacefully.
Every Day is Filled with Non-Stop Conversation
We find ourselves talking endlessly now—to the point where we say, “I can’t go on! I’ll collapse from hunger if we don’t stop talking.” It feels just like the early days of our marriage. We have achieved the home we always aspired to—a place where we can discuss anything and truly feel we belong. It is thanks to Kami’s teachings that we have realized this. Moving forward, we want to continue building a comfortable home where we can speak openly and grow old happily together.
Shinji
People who learn the teachings, have a deep understanding of the principles, and who are able to incorporate them into their kokoro (life), can accept the other person’s feelings, and interact with them correctly.
Sharing the happiness, this is a family environment that never comes short of conversation.
In a family environment where the teachings exist, the unmei of husband and wife will come together; and they will direct their feelings to raise each other’s jittai by living by the principles.
The Shinji are teachings that set forth a way of life leading to true happiness. Because they embody universal truths applicable to everyone, living in accordance with these teachings ensures that one’s life will inevitably take a turn for the better.
※ Jittai refers to the temperament, physical constitution, and personality inherited from parents and ancestors, as well as the perspectives and ways of feeling acquired during the process of growth. This jittai can be either positive or negative. By correcting negative aspects of this jittai, your own positive qualities shine through, allowing you to lead a life filled with joy.