(AY from Ibaraki Prefecture/60s/Female/Part-time)
My husband was an honest and serious man who didn’t usually talk much, but he loved alcohol. Whenever he was having a drink in the evenings, he would talk to me with joy. But gradually, his smiles disappeared, and he started drinking more and more. When I called out to him out of concern, he started yelling at me. The doctor diagnosed him with depression accompanied by alcoholism. He also had mild cognitive impairment.
He quit his job after taking a leave of absence. Every day, he would be completely drunk at home… No matter how hard I begged him to stop drinking, he wouldn’t listen. I would work because my husband is unable to work, and as I come home exhausted, I find the house a mess. How had it come to this? I was exhausted from living a life that didn’t bring me even a tiny bit of happiness.
Was I the Cause of the Problem?!
Although I was registered, I was a shinja in name only. Amid all that was unfolding, I read a church book. It said, “The cause of my troubles lies within me…” and it was a shock to me. I certainly blamed everything on my husband and asked Kami, “If only my husband would change.” But it was my own heart that was suffering and tormenting. I had to offer kigan for a change in my own way of life.
As I prayed, wishing to be able to support my husband warmly, and to be able to speak to him with sincerity… for some reason, hope began to well up within me. I wanted to face my husband and support him as much as I had not been able to before. Once I had this mindset, I was able to say a gentle “Good morning, honey,” and he returned the greeting with a smile. What had changed was that my kokoro was now directed towards my husband. Just by doing that, his attitude changed, and his severe drunkenness stopped as if by magic.
To be a Wife who can Empathize with My Husband
After a while, my husband developed cirrhosis of the liver. In the past, I would have been furious when he said, “If I can’t drink, I’d rather die.” But instead, I was able to direct my feelings to see that the one who’s suffering is my husband. Now, I can be there for him because I’m his wife… and told him how I really felt. “I want to live with you forever.” My husband nodded and said, “I understand,” and accepted and agreed to go through the treatment.
People who suffer from both dementia and addiction tend to become violent. However, whenever my husband asked me the same question, I would answer gently, and he would readily accept it. I was able to think ahead and not become pessimistic, and my mind always remained calm. I truly felt that this was Kami’s protection.
There was No Hesitation in the Decision that We Made as a Family
After that, my husband was diagnosed with liver cancer. Hearing this sudden news, I was unsure whether to undergo painful treatment or not, so I went to sōdan to seek advice. I learned the importance of family discussions and realized that it was wrong not to tell my children because I didn’t want them to worry. I immediately contacted my three sons. Their kind words of encouragement really eased my heart. We all decided without any hesitation to keep my husband at home until the end, without any painful treatment.
My husband was always grateful for everything I did, saying “thank you.” Far from being a burden, caring for him felt loving, and with each day passing peacefully, I felt that now was the happiest time. Just as he began to see how much time he had left, the doctor was surprised, saying, “It’s rare for someone with terminal cancer to be so pain-free.” The day before he passed away, my husband watched over me as we held hands and talked… And then, at dawn, he quietly took his last breath.
The Happiness of the Family is the Best We Can Do for the Deceased
The children also attended the Myōkonsai (funeral held at a later date). “I was so happy to be with you, honey. Thank you.” We were able to express our gratitude from the bottom of our hearts and had no regrets. This was because the succession of miracles that had happened up until then had made us feel that everything was in the hands of Kami.
I currently live with my oldest son and keep in touch with my other children. I want to cherish the happy times we spend together as a family and deepen the bond between us. My daily routine is to convey to my husband’s soul not to worry, and that everyone is healthy and living happily. My goal is to continue to be happy, which is the ultimate offering we can give to my husband as a family.
Confirming the Workings of Happiness through
Shinji
The role and responsibility in the family—
Know the respective roles, and you must deepen the correct involvement.
The more the family members interact based on the teachings,
conversations will come together and be abundant gradually and naturally.
True love will bloom in the kokoro of family members.
The Shinji revealed by Kami are teachings on how to live a happy life. Because they are universal truths that apply to everyone, if you live in accordance with these teachings, your life will surely improve.