(HS from Ehime Prefecture/60s/Female/Dormitory Supervisor)
Twelve years ago, I discovered my third son’s gambling addiction and his debts. After losing my husband, I had been devoted to my work and felt responsible for not spending enough time with my children, so I shouldered the debt for years. Despite this, my son kept changing jobs, telling lies, and saying things like, “I have no choice but to commit robbery.” I tried to get him to follow the right path, but he would just shrug it off and say, “Whatever, there’s no meaning in being alive…”
When I told him, “I have no choice but to die with you,” he bared his chest and said, “Kill me.” I was worried that he might commit a crime one day. Or take his own life, but if things continued like this, he would become a burden to his older and younger sons. I desperately wanted to stop my son, who was on the brink of death.
Then one day, my older sons said to me, “We are prepared for anything that may happen. We want you to always be full of life, Mom. That’s what gives us energy…” With those words, I decided to stop worrying and support my youngest son no matter what. I also stopped taking on his debts. After that, my youngest son moved out of the prefecture, and lost contact with him.
“Please Live!”—words I said from the Bottom of my Heart
One day, about two years later, I suddenly got a phone call. “Where are you?” “I’m in Ikebukuro now. I have a note so that you will be contacted when I die.” He was living homeless in the freezing cold. While offering kigan, I told him with all my heart, saying, “Please do your best to stay alive!” But at the same time, I thought, this is a good opportunity. If he was feeling lonely, he would turn to me for help, so something would work out! “I won’t commit suicide. I won’t turn to crime either,” he said. A baseless hope began to grow in me, and I couldn’t help but feel that Kami was protecting me.
His Brother’s Invitation Changed My Son’s Kokoro
A few months later, when the office I was running was closing down, my oldest and second sons and their families threw a party for me. The waiter who brought the juice was none other than my youngest son. After receiving the call from Ikebukuro, my two oldest children had been trying their best to keep in touch. I was so overwhelmed with joy by this surprise from my sons—I was left speechless.
The youngest son seemed relieved to know that his older brothers still considered him family. After that, the eldest and second sons continued to interact with him, giving advice on jobs, or an invite to go fishing. The youngest son gradually regained his peace of mind, saying, “I never thought I could have so much fun.”
Reflecting on myself for Brandishing the What Should be Done
On the other hand, I felt a certain distance between me and my third son. Why was that? Wanting to understand the reason why, I studied Kami’s teachings as much as possible. The belief that I am always right; the inability to accept others… Every time I learned these things, they stayed in my mind. When I learned that compromising is important, I realized that I was forcing my own opinions on others and trying to get my way without considering their feelings…
I realized that I have a bad habit of brandishing my opinions on what should be done, and pressuring others to do so. In order to remove the barriers in my heart, I needed to improve this. Nothing will change unless I do this. With this in mind, I sincerely apologized to my youngest son, saying, “I regret having to hurt your feeling for so long. I’m truly sorry.”
This was the opportunity for my son to open up to me. If there was a storm coming nearby, or an incident happening, he would send me a message to be careful. At the same time, in general, I became more careful in listening to people. As I faced my issue with my son and offered kigan, I realized that it was my son who was suffering the most.
I was able to let go of my obsession to change my son, and accept him as he is. Now, we are finally able to connect with each other, and I feel that this is the happiest moment of my life. I truly feel that this is a miracle brought about by Kami’s protection.
Thanks to the support of those around him, it’s been two years since my third son has been able to support himself and be independent. Recently, he contacted me and said, “I helped a young man from the neighborhood who had been shut-in for years.” He said he gently spoke to him and led him out the front door. When he expressed how he wanted to be of help to someone, I was convinced that his difficult experience was not wasted. Because he was able to learn Kami’s teachings, he can experience the joy of family. I want to share this experience to many people around me.
Confirming the Workings of Happiness through Shinji
Shinji
In the hands of Kami, all people are born into this world to achieve true happiness.
Know this truth about life, and strive to become a person who lives by the principles.
Just continue to learn the teachings of Kami, and reflect your kokoro.
Gradually and naturally, the movement of your kokoro will anchor and become a self that turns every encounter into a deep understanding.
Your conversation inside the family will deepen and grow; hence, the kokoro of family members will be connected.
The Shinji revealed by Kami are teachings on how to live a happy life. Because they are universal truths that apply to everyone, if you live in accordance with these teachings, your life will surely improve.