(CM from Gunma Prefecture/30s/Female/Teacher)
From a young age, I grew up hearing my parents arguing. My mother was concerned about even the weather for her children, while my father showed no interest at all. Whenever something happened, I could hear my mother’s angry voice shouting, “Why don’t you show more concern!?” When I was in high school, I would listen to my mother’s complaints and try to mediate. However, my efforts couldn’t reach my father, and I just felt flustered. I faced my parents’ discord as if it were my own.
Facing My Suppressed Feelings
I had my own reason why I couldn’t express my feelings. I had done something in the past that had upset my mother, and since then, I had lost confidence in myself. I was worried that if I told her not to fight, I would lose my place in the family, or that they would get divorced… So I held back my frustrations with my parents. Before I knew it, this turned into anger, and it built up deep inside me.
Earlier this year, I could no longer confine my feelings and decided to talk with one of the staff at Hikari no Yakata. From there, I was able to face the feelings I had been suppressing and pour out my true feelings to Kami. Then, the nauseating pain of holding back eased, and I felt motivated to seriously study Kami’s teachings.
Efforts to Incorporate the Teachings Pay Off
I studied the teachings, hoping to realize even just one thing, and one after another, mindsets that I wanted to incorporate into my way of life, such as “speak up” and “be generous,” stuck in my mind. I wrote them down and offered kigan over and over again. Then, one day, I suddenly realized, “I was born because of my parents. Meeting my parents is the foundation of my life.” So I decided to seriously confront my parents. Little by little, I told them how I felt, such as—”I’d want you to be happy if you were doing well, so don’t push yourself,” or “I’d be more open to it if you’d speak to me more gently.” My parents responded calmly, responding to me by saying things like, “That’s right,” and “Okay, we’ll do that.”
Another big change was being able to praise myself for being able to convey my feelings, rather than worrying about the reaction at each moment. “Don’t expect others to do it, do it yourself.” I was happy to be able to put what I learned to good use. If you keep trying even when you can’t do it perfectly, it will surely bear fruit. I used to think to myself, “I’m not doing well at all, even though I’m learning Kami’s teachings…” But now I think, “I can do it too!”
Gratitude for My Parents Gradually Arising Within
I also began to see the good points of my parents. My father, who has been considerate of my feelings since I was little, is someone who calmly does what needs to be done. My mother can get emotional at times, but she is a very caring person. I suddenly remembered a note I found in my lunch box when I was in junior high school that said; Your Dad and I love you very much.” I remember how encouraging it was back then… I was reminded once again of the love they had for me.
One day, my mother said something unexpected to me: “Things have changed a lot in our home. We have fought in front of you in the past. I’m sorry for making you feel sad.” I was so happy that she seemed to understand how painful it was for me at the time. Recently, however, my mother has begun to acknowledge my father’s good qualities and express her gratitude. My father praises my mother for her warm interest in everyone and makes an effort to take the initiative to join in family conversations. And I’ve found it surprising that a desire to cherish both of my parents naturally wells up within me.
Efforts to Become Happy Along with My Family
Now, my parents’ fights have become drastically less. I used to have difficulty interacting with people, but now I have the freedom to interact warmly not only with my family but also with the people around me. I also noticed that the feeling of being out of place in a group of people that I had felt since childhood was no longer there.
Although many things happen, I am truly grateful that we can move forward together as a family toward happiness. Even when we face obstacles, we remain positive, knowing that we can prune our way of thinking and feeling through Kami’s teachings. We will continue to study the teachings as a family, aiming to live a life without regrets.
Confirming the Workings of Happiness through Shinji
Build a family that lives by the principles to achieve a life without regrets.
Parents’ feelings that don’t reach their children; children that doesn’t speak their feelings to their parents: There are too many families that live just interacting on the surface.
Be a person who lives by the teachings.The more you do, that family will harmonize; and the kokoro (state) of family members will shine bright.
The unmei of your family will bloom and bear fruit, and that family will prosper.
The Shinji revealed by Kami are teachings that show how to live a happy life.
Because these are universal truths that apply to everyone, living in accordance with these teachings is sure to improve your life.