（TK from Oita Prefecture/60s/Female/Part-Timer)
When I was young, I hated my home because my parents didn’t get along. My father was short-tempered and would use abusive language and violence if things didn’t go his way. My mother just put up with it without saying anything. It was so hard that I started to hate my father and felt that I had to protect my mother. Eventually, my parents got divorced. Since then, I lived a peaceful life with my mother and younger brother.
However, after learning that my father had passed away, my mother’s true feelings started to come out. She would complain nonstop about how much he had made her cry on different occasions. I had thought my mother was a kind person who never said anything bad about people… Listening to her started to become too much for me, and we started arguing more and more, with me telling her not to say things like that.
The reason I was able to live a peaceful life…
One day, while saying, “Mom, you don’t tell people how you really feel, so Dad probably didn’t understand you too. You shouldn’t hold back!” That’s when I realized, that our peaceful home up until now was built on my mother’s patience. I don’t want to have a family that’s superficial like that! I want to be a parent and child who can talk about anything, from their heart. When I thought this, I told my mother saying, “Mom, it’s okay to tell me how you really feel.” with tears in my eyes.
From then on, I tried to listen to my mother first and try to understand her thoughts. Then, the conversations started to change. My mother started to talk about her life bit by bit. As I understood what she had been thinking and doing in life, I stopped assuming that she was just complaining based on her words alone. When I thought about my mother’s life, I realized that she always put her own needs last and was always working silently for her family and others. How wonderful… I began to feel grateful to have met her in this life.
My feelings towards my father also changed drastically.
As for trying to understand my father, I tried to feel his kokoro behind his words. Looking back from this perspective, it all made sense. When he yelled at my mother, “You don’t have to do that!”, it was his way of expressing his love, trying to tell us that he would take care of it, so we don’t have to worry. His words were harsh, but I realized he was trying to tell me, a child, something important about being a person. My father loved us… The hatred in my heart went away, and I was able to accept his existence, thinking, “I am who I am today thanks to my father.”
Every day feels warmer, now that I understand my mother’s emotions
Now, I enjoy having calm conversations with my mother. One time, she said, “You looked after the youngest, and that saved us. Thank you.” I was overjoyed to know that she thought of me that way. Another time, when I told her, “I’m so lucky that I can be with you, Mom.” She replied, “My parents died early, so I was able to focus on living a long life for my children.” I was touched by feelings I had never heard before, and it warmed my heart.
Now and then, her complaints about my father come out. But now I can see that she wanted to have a closer relationship with her husband. I want to comfort her by telling her, “I understand how you feel.” I also want to tell my late father that I will live happily with my mother, so he can rest assured.
I am like my mother, and I tend to hold back and not say what I think. If I hadn’t realized that at that time, I would have lived my life hating my father and even my mother, without knowing each other’s true feelings. When I think about that, I don’t know how much my kokoro was saved. Once again, I’m grateful to have met my family. From now on, I will continue to spend every day sensing the invisible kokoro behind every word, and communicating my feelings to each other.
What is a family environment?
Home is an environment where the thoughts are connected through the Kokoro no Michi, where the hopes and dreams are inherited from parents to the children, and where the kokoro (the soul) feels at ease.
Understand the meaning (principle) of family well and each member of the family must contribute to make a home that speaks their thoughts.
The more the thoughts are connected, the family will prosper; the kokoro (souls) of the ancestors will be reassured and feel secure.
Shinji, revealed by Kami, are teachings on how to live a happy life. Because they are unchanging truths common to all people, if you live following these teachings, your life will improve most definitely.