(SS from Miyagi Prefecture/70s/Female/Housewife)
Last year, I had a fight with my eldest son. It all started when my husband said, “We’re going to get rid of your DVDs left at my house.” I responded to my son’s angry words. Even after he returned home, I felt angry and sad. But thanks to that, I was able to reflect on myself.
What Triggered Us from Being Estranged from My Eldest Son…
Unlike my second son who talks about everything, my eldest son has not talked about himself since he was a child. And now, I realized that I had somehow become estranged from my eldest son and his wife.
I wonder why? For the first time, I reflected on myself carefully. My eldest son has been disciplined strictly since childhood. It may have been a bit too much. On the contrary, I was able to have some leeway with my younger child; but with my first child, I was having trouble figuring things out… I was also desperate. “I should have been nicer.” I was the one who felt guilty and closed off my heart towards him.
The Connection I was Able to Feel
On another day, my second son told me what was on my eldest son’s mind. “They were about to throw away the things I bought with the money I worked hard for doing part-time jobs. That made me upset.” I didn’t know it was that important… However, if we could understand each other’s feelings, this should not be an issue to argue about. I should have been more considerate—I should have provided a safe place for him to express himself more; I should have been more considerate about his feelings. I shouldn’t have been shy and should have gotten more involved with him.
With love, I expressed my feelings to my eldest son. “A lot has happened the other day, but the most important thing for parents is the children no matter what.” I was also grateful to his wife for being by his side, so I told her, “Thank you for marrying my son.” It was just one word, but the gap between us was instantly filled, and I definitely felt like our kokoro was connected.
Reconsider My Involvement with My Husband
Another thing that made me take a closer look is my relationship/involvement with my husband. The emotional tie between husband and wife is more important than parent and child. However, I think there was a part of me that couldn’t open up to my husband either. I tried to save money for my children, but my husband doesn’t care much about money. To be honest, I feel like I was given a hard time (by my husband)… One day, I found out that my husband had been using up the precious money we’ve saved up again.
What was different this time; I was able to think, “The reason he kept quiet was probably because he couldn’t open up with me.” I was able to talk to him without blaming him, and my husband also told me what was on his mind. And he said, “I’ll never do it again.” Since then, I feel that our bond as a couple has deepened a little.
My husband and I have changed since the incident with our son. Honest conversations have also increased between us. What makes me even happier is that my son has become kinder to me and talks to me about work and other things. My husband and I are both happy. The step forward I finally was able to take. My husband and I will do our best so that we can take a big step forward again in our life!
Finding the Principles Behind the Story from Shinji
Learn the teachings yourself; make the teaching a part of you; and make the effort to connect the kokoro of family members with love.
Gradually and naturally, conversations among family members will start to increase, and the true kokoro of how family environment should be will start to be clear.
A family environment where the husband and wife are close, and continue to deepen trust will naturally bring the kokoro of parents and child together; and the love will help foster feelings (expectation) to support.
The teachings will connect the kokoro of family members and help lead to a life without any regrets.
Shinji that Kami reveals are a teaching on how to live life in order to be happy. Because it is an unchanging principle that relates to all people, if you live according to the teachings, your life will definitely change for the better.