(KY from Ishikawa Prefecture / Female/60s / Part-time employee)
Since I was in my 50s, I have had a severe back problem and started to experience numbness in my both legs. The diagnosis was: “Lumbar spondylolisthesis” and “spinal stenosis”. The doctor told me that I needed surgery, but I put it off, saying, “A can delay it a little more, a little longer…”
It’s not that I didn’t want to have surgery. My children’s wedding and the birth of their children continued in addition to sending my father and my mother off. I wanted to take care of them. However, at last, it became difficult for me to walk last year.
What I Realized by Reaching My Limit
When I discussed this situation with the staff at the Hikari no Yakata, they asked, “Have you talked to your husband about this?” I hadn’t. In fact, I didn’t want to be noticed, so I prayed to Kami saying, “It hurts, but I pray that I can do my best today so that others don’t know.”
But the pain is already at its limit. When I told my husband, he said, “I thought it was getting bad lately.” My pain was severe enough that it was hard not to be noticed, but I didn’t say it. I was reminded that I am much more self-assertive and egotistical than I thought.
Self-Assertion = Self-Centered to Not Think About Other People’s Feelings
I have always been aware of my self-assertive character. That’s why I made an effort to try to listen to other people and be involved with them as much as possible. However, no matter how hard I tried, my children would say, “Can’t you be a little kinder to dad?” and my mother would say, “You don’t appreciate what others have done for you.” I didn’t know how to fix the egotistical me.
It was only with Kami‘s teachings that I realized it. When my husband objected to something I wanted to do, I kept it a secret from him and went ahead and did it anyways. I had been telling small lies all along for years. I took care of my children and my mother and postponed the surgery because I wanted to help. I was never thinking about what the other person thinks or what they really wanted. As a result, I put everything on my shoulder, putting a load on my mind and body.
The Joy of Being Regenerated; Both with My Mind and My Body
When I talked to my children about my lower back, they were very kind to me, and I was determined to have surgery. I went to the hospital with my husband and was introduced to a large hospital that, to my surprise, is the place where I go with my chronic illness. From here, things went smoothly as if we were on a conveyor belt.
The fact that I was able to face the surgery without any anxiety was also a great protection from Kami. After that, the doctors were surprised at how quickly I healed, saying, “There were many bad places, and I touched a lot of bones (during surgery), but it healed quickly.” When I was discharged from the hospital and was able to return home to my family, I was overjoyed.
In the past, our kokoro were not together as one, and we even lived separately at times. But now we feel comfortable being a married couple. I am telling my husband and my family the words like “I won’t be shy” and “Thank you” which I had not spoken before. The feeling of “I definitely want to do this” disappears, and “I’ll ask them how they feel.” Every day like makes my heart feel lighter. It’s been one month since I was discharged from the hospital. I feel that I am being regenerated day by day, both physically and mentally.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tell us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
As you make the Shinji, the principles the sustain of your life and live, the movement of your kokoro will anchor and the thoughts that make you go off the path will not sprout and surface.
The movement of your kokoro led by your unmei will be drawn out and your health will be protected.
The mind and the body will harmonize, and health will be experienced when the kokoro deepens gratitude.
Gain awareness through the teachings; involve with the principles—the effort to create a family with mutual support is necessary
This environment fosters a generous kokoro and the human being’s kokoro will return to a healthy one.