(YY from Kyoto Prefecture/90s/Female/Housewife)
I’m in my 90s. “I’ve lived long enough. I’m ready to leave this world.” I had kept saying this phrase until my kokoro changed by the teachings.
When my husband passed away 10 years ago, I was left alone in a large traditional Japanese house.
After a while, my son and his family moved into the main house next to the annex where I live. We started to live together in the same housing site, but that couldn’t fill the void in my heart.
Teachings Changed My Kokoro; Live Positively for My Family
I read Shinji Kyōkai textbooks and monthly Shinji repeatedly. The teachings of Kami reassured me the importance of family.
I realized that my family as well as my husband would worry about me if I keep spending days with this empty feeling.
The more I learned the teachings, the more I regained the positive feelings and the energy to live.
To deepen the family relationship, I decided to have more conversations with my son and his family. I tried to find good qualities in them, and have communication calmly.
Whenever I took a bath prepared for me in the main house, I thanked my son and his family from the bottom of my heart, saying “I feel refreshed. Thank you for caring about me.”
Feelings of gratitude also deepened to my daughter-in-law who often brought me delicious homemade dishes.
As my kokoro began to change, the family relationship started to harmonize. These days, my son lend me his hand willingly when I ask for his help. Now he doesn’t use harsh words any more.
The Most Precious Treasures in the World
I felt so happy when I had the family reunion at the Obon festival last summer to commemorate and remember our deceased ancestors. My 3 children and 8 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren gathered together.
“Grandma!”, they ran up to me. I said to them “Get along well as a couple.” and “Grow up in good health!”
They answered cheerfully “Yes, we will!”
For the first time in a while, I had a lively and pleasant time with my family. This heartwarming time made me realize that my treasures had been right here in front of me. My husband has left me not only the house but also the most precious treasures in the world, our family. If I kept being swallowed up by the grief, I wouldn’t see the preciousness of my family.
I am determined to keep learning the teachings and improving my kokoro, and to do what I can for my loving family.
Filled with Joy of Life
Now, I am thankful that I can cook and do laundry by myself, even though my legs have gotten weaker with age.
I experience a sense of happiness with small joys in daily life: the mountain scenery, the colors of the sky, flowers in the garden, tiding up the room and so on.
My loneliness faded away, and I stopped repeating the phrase “I’m ready to leave this world.”
Today, as usual, I have textbooks of Kami on my desk. In spite of the great change in the world this year, my kokoro has been stable and filled with thankfulness.