(SK from Nagano prefecture/female/30’s/Librarian)
My Kokoro Could Not Be Honest With My True Feelings
Before I turned 30, I had disliked my family. I even left home for some time without telling anyone. That was all because my family members were always quarreling and blaming one another.
I had a dream of becoming a voice actress, which my mother didn’t approve of because she would become lonely if I left home and lived far away. Unable to get my parents’ support, I felt quite lonely. I always wanted to have a place of my own. But I acted contrary to my true feelings, and was always rejecting my families’ thoughts.
I disliked my home environment and left, to live with someone else. However, what awaited me was many hardships that often included a violent relationship with my boyfriends. There were countless trips to Kami no Yakata to find peace and safe haven.
The Way I Got Involved With my Families Changed
Feeling the need for the teachings of Kami, I started to learn the Yukinokai lectures through which the principles necessary for the youths 15 through 30 years of age can be grasped. Surprisingly enough, the more I learned, I found that my kokoro, which had turned stiff and stubborn before I knew it, became peaceful and softened. As I became able to speak of my honest feelings that I wanted to get along with my families to Kami, I could realize much more various things; “Dad was always telling me what I needed to see. ” “Mom may have been scared by my firm attitudes.” I repented from the bottom of my heart, and little by little, the kokoro of my family members got closer and closer.
The other day, I passed an auditon, where I was praised for the quality of my voice and my expressiveness. That made me so glad, but I heard that it would cost me a lot of money to belong to an entertainment company. The first thing I did was to talk to my mother. She listened very cordially to me, and told me that having debts would cause us a lot of troubles, but also that she would be willing to support me with my dreams.
After thinking deeply about it, I told my mother the conclusion that I came to; “In chasing my dream of becoming a voice actress, I’d like to do what I can do without any trouble under my present circumstance.” Never did I think that the day would come when I can talk openly and honestly with my mother like this.
Now I truly understand how each of my family members were feeling in those days. It took me a long time and a lot of hardships, but I know they were necessary steps for me to see that the most important thing in life is not outside the family, but with the family. The existence of cordial family members is my treasure. My heart is filled with gratitude. From the bottom of my heart, I love my dearest father, mother, and sister!