(SY from Saga Prefecture/Female/50s/Office Worker)
The relationship with my mother-in-law has always been a difficult one, where I felt somewhat of a distance between her and I. I knew exactly what the problem was. She was not the problem, but it was me, who have always made judgments and blame others for everything—I felt that way towards everybody, including my own family. But there was nothing I could really do to help my situation—how I feel was uncontrollable and not easy to change.
Learning the teachings helped me learn more about my self, and I started to realize about my behavior and my train of thoughts toward other people. For example, the tendency to blame others and not think enough about their feelings—instead, it was always my feelings first. Or the fact that I can’t expect the other person to change—I need to change my self for situations to become better. This made it much easier for me to take control more of my emotions and learned how to be calm and patient enough to converse better to keep me and the other person happy at all times. I practiced this with my mother-in-law, especially.
Then one weekend when my husband was away, the in-laws including my mother-in-law decided to stop by the house. I was really nervous, but kept calm to just be natural to them. Then surprisingly, my mother-in-law said, “It’s okay if my son is not there. As long as you are there, we are happy to come.” I felt my mother-in-law had truly accepted me for the first time, and that is when I felt we have become a true family with my mother-in-law. I believe that if I hadn’t changed my ways of thinking toward other people, I would never have made the situation better with my mother-in-law—in fact, I would have lost my patience and decided not to even bother to get closer with her. But the teaching brought me to my senses, and helped me become a better person and happier with my husband.