I have endured verbal abuse from my husband, but recently, he has begun to raise his hands towards his 4-year-old son. My son wakes up many times during the night and can’t get back to sleep. I’m wondering if I should run away to my parents’ house and live separately, or if I should divorce for the sake of my child. (Female in her 30s)
A
Changing the environment through separation or divorce will not simply provide a fundamental solution. This is because the factors that lead to such hardships remain within you. Kami tells us that this is what is called “jittai”. Unless this jittai is corrected, similar situations will continue to occur over and over again. Moreover, it will be passed down to our children and grandchildren.
However, the fundamental solution can definitely be found by changing your kokoro in line with Kami’s teachings. Now is the time to use the teachings as your support and correct the negative jittai.
Shinji
Family environment is an important environment where human beings (a person) are born and grow.
It is the source of life that hones and elevates the unmei-jittai (kokoro).
Whether to make use of this environment or not; it all depends on the understanding of each individual.
Only if each member of the family learn the teachings and have the awareness to live by the principles, the unmei-jittai (kokoro) of the family members will naturally come together and complement each other; hence the jittai will be elevated.
We tend to think that the person who acts on violence is at fault, but there are also factors on your side that lead to such behavior. Reflect on how you have interacted with your husband; such as whether you were trying to accept his emotional state of mind and whether you were creating a warm atmosphere in which he could talk about his feelings to you. If you study Kami’s teachings, you will notice something. Offering kigan gives you peace of mind and allows you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Then, face your husband and tell him your true feelings; such as what you want to fix and how painful the violence is. Also at the same time, listen to his true feelings, offer kigan and talk calmly so that you can be in harmony with your husband and be able to communicate with him well.
The first step is to try to be involved with him warmly. When you change yourself, the other person will also start to change. Only by improving the family environment can we protect our children.