The woman that my son is about to marry seems to have an aggressive personality. I want my son to marry a more lady-like, elegant person. (Female in her 50s)
A
Before you oppose your son’s decision, make sure you have discussed your opinions with your husband. Share your concerns from what you see and hear what your husband thinks from his perspective. Discussion with your husband is important because it is necessary to have a mutual point of view as parents before you open up your feelings to your son about his fiancée.
Shinji(*1)
Learn and practice the teachings together as husband and wife in making the effort to create a family with principles.
Conversations and heart-to-heart interactions will naturally increase and grow between parents and child.
Thus your child’s life will start to move forward with the movement of the kokoro (*2) led by their unmei(*3).
Exchanging opinions with your husband will allow you to see your son’s fiancée from a different perspective. And perhaps you might even realize something about her that you don’t see.
However, if your husband seems to be concerned about the same issue, don’t let those emotions take over and oppose your son from the top. Give your son a chance to talk about what he sees in his fiancée and exchange your opinions calmly and without judgments as parents and child. The more you talk things over, you will find the mutual ground that everyone agrees to move forward in a peaceful manner.
In doing so, perhaps, your son’s appreciation towards you and your husband will grow as you face the situation with just one wish to see him happy. Your son’s gratitude will deepen, which would allow him to naturally make the right decision about who he wants to get married to.
*1 Shinji: Words from Ōyamanezunomikoto, the source of all life.
*2 Kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul(unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.
*3 Unmei: The unique strengths given to each human being at the time of birth by Ōyamanezunomikoto that allows us to be useful in society, to help others, and to live a life of hope, meaning, and purpose.