My neighbor dented my car. He was worried about our damaged car, but never said he was going to pay for the repairing. My heart is clouded. I already repaired my car, but should I ask him to pay for the repairing or keep silence? I want to keep a peaceful relationship with my neighbors. (60’s Female)
A
A sense of distrust between you and neighbors, however small, can fester over time and damage to the relationships. Establishing peaceful relationships with neighbors is not about keeping silence.
Shinji—Words from Kami(*1)—
As human deepens the encounter with many people, the power to live will be drawn out and the living environment will be enriched.
However, many people forget the kokoro(*2) to make use of the encounters, and they create dissonance by acting from self-interest.
The wisdom to make use of the encounter one another lies in an image of kokoro that lives in harmony.
You were supposed to discuss with the neighbor how to deal with the accident right after it happened. However, since you already finished repairing your damaged car, what you can do is to consult with him honestly. For example, you can say, “The repairing costed this much, could you help pay for it?” What is important here is to talk to him without blaming by putting yourself in his shoes. Your attitude; listening to his intention and willing to think the solution together, would lead the discussion smoothly.
As people have different faces and personalities, we all have different ideas and thoughts. When you notice a discrepancy between you and your neighbor, don’t miss a timing to talk; raise your concerns and exchange ideas in a calm manner. You will see what he thinks and what his ideas are. There, you can find amicable solutions or find compromise that works for both of you. Raising your concerns without blaming, listening to another well, and exchanging ideas with calm mind; this is the life of wisdom. Even if an accident occurs, if you live with the wisdom—Kami’s teachings, you can make each event a learning process that will help you grow.
*1 Kami:Great power above named Ōyamanezunomikoto; the source of all life.
*2 Kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul(unmei) and the physical body(jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.