My son, who is in elementary school, was severely reprimanded for his extracurricular activities and has been wanting to quit ever since. When I said I wanted him to continue, he got sulky and we ended up fighting. I want him to grow as a person through his extracurricular activities. What should I do? (Woman in her 40s)
A
The best environment for developing a person’s kokoro is the home. Parental love is the most essential thing in bringing out the best in our children. If your child is hurt, first accept them warmly and embrace them with love, saying things like, “I’m sorry that happened. It must have been hard for you,” or “Let’s have your favorite dish for dinner.” If a child feels reassured that “my parents understand me” and that they are always on his/her side, they will naturally recover. They may even begin to think, “I’ll be more careful next time,” or “I’ll try a little harder next time.” Even if you try to persuade a child who is still hurting, it will be difficult for parents to convey their feelings.
It’s important for the parents to share everything and think together about how to deal with their children. Listen carefully to your spouse’s thoughts and discuss until you reach a consensus. Once you and your spouse are on the same page about what to do about extracurricular activities and how you hope for your child’s development, communicate this to your child. When your child hears you say, “This is what your mom and dad thinks,” they will develop a sense of trust in their parents, which will help to soothe their heart. They will also be more likely to open up about their honest feelings. This will allow both parent and child to make a choice they will not regret.
Shinji
Be a parent (parents) where a child feels safe to speak their mind.
ーHusband and wife must continuously communicate their feelings, trust each other, and complement each other to protect the family environmentー
Where conversations between parent and child is made daily (every day) and where trust is fostered, your child’s kokoro (jittai) will anchor, and the child’s strength of their unmei will be drawn out.
Children become emotionally independent around the age of 15. Until then, parents, who are the people closest to their children, should discover their child’s unique qualities and individuality and communicate this to them. Each child has their own strengths. They should be encouraged to praise and interact with their children to help them develop these strengths. It is also a good idea to set appropriate goals for them from time to time. Children who receive such love from their parents will naturally develop compassion for others. They will be able to interact with those around them with confidence and a spirit of hōshi, striving to be useful. They will grow into individuals who will play a major role in society.
Opportunities to develop character are not limited to extracurricular activities but can be found in all sorts of situations. Children are not limited to just one good quality; they have many hidden potentials. Let’s cherish the warm interactions we have with our children every day and help nurture their hearts.