I left the child-rearing to my mother-in-law and focused on work. Even now that my children have families, I still feel guilty about that, and even when we meet occasionally, I can’t talk about the things I want to talk about to my children. My husband has passed away, and I’m struggling alone with how to deepen our relationship. (Woman in her 70s)
A
There are things you can do now to build a parent-child relationship where you can talk about anything. To do this, you need to look at why you weren’t able to connect with your child and what kind of feelings you had. You should be able to see your own personality tendencies, such as not having the courage to face them honestly, being self-centered, or assuming that “it’s too late to tell them anyway.” Offer kigan to be able to correct these and interact with your child.
First, you need to express your honest feelings. You should express your love for your child, such as how sorry you weren’t able to spend enough time with them when they were young, making them feel lonely, and how irreplaceable they are.
At first, your child may not respond well or may feel cold. However, regardless of their words and actions, you should warmly interact with and watch over your child and their family so that your love is conveyed. It is also important to listen carefully to your child’s feelings. In this way, parents who live with love will become the best example for their children and their families.
Shinji
Families must learn the teachings as a family; know their respective roles and positions—the way they should be—within the family, and need to deepen their involvement in the correct way.
The more family members interact with each other based on the teachings, conversations between family members will gradually come together and become more abundant, and true love will sprout in their kokoro.
Parents have a big responsibility to fulfill. That responsibility is to show their children how to live life without regrets. They can leave with peace of mind, knowing that despite all the ups and downs, it was a good life. Such a parent’s way of life will remain in the hearts of their children and grandchildren, and will be passed down as a good way of life.
Even if we cannot change the past, we can use the insights we gained from it to make the future brighter. Focus on how we interact and live in the present, and devote our lives to fulfilling our responsibilities as parents.