(KF from Oita Prefecture/50s/Female/Housewife)
My husband and I have opposite values. He is curious and takes in everything, while I am passive. My husband buys so many things that I can’t count how many times I have said to him, “You have it already, do you still need another one?” No matter how much we communicated, he never changed, and we often clashed as a result.
I Finally Saw My Husband’s Feelings
When my husband complained about his job, I would say, “I wonder why you think that way,” or “You should think like this.” In the end, I would say something like “What if you say something like that and it turns out like this?” in a scolding tone. And yet, when he argued back, I would suppress my feelings and be anxious. “Ah, I want to make my life better…” I had a strong desire to do so.
One day, as I was watching my husband shopping online, I noticed that he was comparing each item with others, researching them carefully, and he seemed so full of life. I thought, “So this is how my husband enjoys.” I hadn’t been able to see the “feelings” behind his actions. When I realized that, I honestly thought, “Even though we have different values, I’ll accept my husband as he is.”
Recognize the Flaws in Your Perception and Fix Them
For the past year, I have been making notes for myself on the points I needed to work on as I noticed that needed to be corrected. When I reread them, I realized that the same things were written every single month. They were: “I tend to deny it when the other person doesn’t agree with me,” and “I tend to react by giving a different opinion.” I offered kigan: “This is where I need to work (on my personality)!” And what I have accomplished first was “acceptance.”
Moving Side by Side with My Husband’s Feelings
Even when my husband would look at his phone the whole time we were eating, I made a conscious effort to “accept it.” Wanting to be interested in what he was interested in, I would look at it together with him. And then, the conversation just kept developing. As this continued, I was no longer forcing myself to suppress my feelings or dwell on them, and I began to change and become able to accept my husband. Before long, my husband started putting his phone down while eating. We also had more opportunities to enjoy conversation together.
When I Reconsidered How to Face My Husband…
In fact, my mother and my sister were people whose values I felt were the complete opposite. They were outgoing and liked to interact with people. Out of jealousy, I couldn’t accept their way of life. My mother was out and about as a hobby, barely being at home. I wanted her to realize that her family was feeling lonely behind the scenes… I was always looking down on my sister and pushing my own ideas on her. It was only natural that we became estranged. However, I wanted to accept my mother and sister as they were. With that in mind, I faced them.
The Desire to be Connected Deepens Bonds
One day, I heard my mother say something that made me realize that her love for her family was genuine. I wanted to know more about my mother’s feelings. I reflected on how I was treating her and kept in contact with my sister. Eventually, I began to think that I wanted to cherish the things that my sister had cherished. When I accepted the way she lived her life, the gap between us was filled, and I was sure that our kokoro had connected. My relationship with the two of them changed completely.
More Happiness to Come
When I think about it, it’s already been 40 years since I became a member. I’ve been able to get to where I am today thanks to many miracles and blessings. Over the years, I’ve grown little by little. Above all, it’s a miracle that I can now live looking forward, not backward. If I continue to accept all the values and cherish my connections, a happier future than the one I have now awaits me… My heart is filled with such hope.
Shinji
Just keep learning the teachings of Kami; and reflect on your kokoro based on the teachings.
Gradually and naturally, the movement of your kokoro will start to anchor; and you will start to become a person who will turn every encounter into a deep understanding (about life).
Conversations at your home (family) will deepen and grow; and the kokoro of your family members will start to connect.
Make use of the teachings of Kami at home (with your family), and create a home where the kokoro of wa (harmony) blooms.
The Shinji Kami reveals are teachings that teach how to live a happy life. Because they are universal truths that apply to everyone, if you live in accordance with these teachings, your life will definitely improve.