My wife and I divorced when my daughter was 5 years old, and I have been raising her alone as a single parent. She is now in high school, and recently she has started hanging out with friends who have bad behavior. She comes home late, and I am worried she might get involved in a crime. Should I ask her to stop hanging out with her current friends? (Male, 50s)
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The reason your daughter acts in worrisome ways may not just be her friends. If she feels comfortable at home, she will not behave in this way. Therefore, what parents should do is to make the home a place where they want to return. To that end, as a father, you should show your daughter more affection and love.
The role of a father in the home is to accept the feelings of his family with a big heart and provide emotional support. Make an effort to increase conversations with your daughter daily so that she can feel at ease talking about her feelings. Express each feeling carefully and fill your daughter’s heart with love.
If you try to take on the role of a mother as well, it will become a burden and may cause misunderstandings between you and her. Also, once your child turns 15, they are emotionally independent. Even if they are your child, treat them as an adult and respect their feelings.
What you must do now as you live your life as a single parent is to have the kokoro of hōshi (to give back), and never forget the kokoro (effort) to make the best of each person and thing you encounter.
Gradually and naturally, the encounters will spread and deepen; and everyday life will be fulfilled.
The more your encounters are made the best of, life will be filled with meaning and purpose, and it will be portrayed as something enjoyable.
Even if someone seems to be misbehaving in the parents’ eyes, they may be important to the child. If parents do not ask for detailed information and assume that the friend is at fault or try to restrict their behavior, the child may rebel and close themselves off from you.
First, listen carefully to your child’s thoughts, and then tell them specifically what you are worried about as a parent and how you want them to be. If they can sense your love, they will naturally want to avoid worrying you.
To deepen the bond between parent and child, you must study Kami’s teachings with your daughter and work to correct the temperament and personality tendencies in the family. Then, various encounters, including the one with your daughter, will be good, and you will achieve fulfilling and enjoyable days.