My husband is an excessive drinker, and even if I hide it, he’ll look for it and drink. I recommended a rehab, but he never goes. I’m worried that someday he might get drunk and drive. The children are upset with him and say they want to cut ties with their father. (Female in her 60s)
A
There are reasons why people drink excessively. People may turn to alcohol to avoid feelings of loneliness or other unfulfilling feelings. It is the love between husband and wife that can fill this void in their hearts.
Even if you worry about your husband, if you have a feeling of being disappointed or blaming him, your words won’t reach him. Even if you try to change the situation by saying things like “Stop drinking,” or “See a doctor,” things won’t change.
Take this opportunity to reevaluate yourself and how you have been involved with your husband. Were you trying to sense what your husband was thinking, or were you trying to have a conversation so that you could understand each other’s feelings? If you have a kokoro that looks down on him or denies it, try to correct the way you feel with kigan. At the same time, offer kigan to Kami to let go of any pain you are feeling towards your husband.
Never stop making efforts to learn the teachings as a family and to build a family environment that is based on principles.
As Kami sees it, people make the effort to have a family as a form; but lack the compassion (kokoro) to be considerate about each family member.
Kokoro no Michi is not connected; they deepen the reason to suffer from illness and accidents.
Health is achieved in a family environment where the family members have compassion for each other and seek each other’s happiness.
It is important to listen carefully to your husband’s feelings and accept them. Also, calmly and kindly convey your concerns. By expressing your feelings in words on a daily basis, your kokoro will connect. Your love for your husband will deepen, and your home will become much more comfortable.
By placing yourself in a harmonious family where you can love each other, your family’s kokoro will become more anchored. This brings out the thoughts of “I should stop making my family sad…” or “I want to respond to their feelings.” Also, the more the kokoro of a husband and wife come together, the more love for the family will grow in the kokoro of their children. This will deepen your family ties and improve your mental and physical health.