(JM from Yamagata Prefecture/60s/Female/Employee)
We’ve been married for about 40 years. Our relationship was not to a point where we don’t care about each other, but at the same time, we weren’t understanding each other as well. I’ve always wondered why.
Change in the Dissatisfaction that had been Building Up Inside.
We both have been working full time for a long time, and I’ve always been the one to make meals. Ever since my husband turned 65, he comes home early, and as soon as I get home, I rush to get ready for dinner. That’s when I hear my husband opening a can of beer. And it would make me feel annoyed because dinner is not even ready!!
In the morning, I am busy making breakfast and bento boxes. Amid the morning chaos, my husband brings vegetables that he had harvested from the home garden and just leaves it there in the kitchen. Hearing the sound of him putting the veggies and the sound of him opening a can of beer makes me feel irritated. But I didn’t like that about myself, and want to change. So I spend my days studying Kami’s teachings and reading Voices (real life story from fellow shinja). Then one day, I noticed a change in my kokoro.
My Kokoro of Expectation Made Me Feel Less Grateful
My husband makes a louder noise putting the vegetables when there are more harvests. And it felt like I was at a loss, wondering what to do with all the vegetables he brought, and thinking about how to dispose or get rid of it. These are the vegetables that he worked hard to grow for the family. But this time, I was thinking how should I cook these vegetables to make it delicious. This way of thinking emerged inside me for the first time… When I made side dishes and juice from them, he was so happy, and I was surprised that something like this could make me feel so warm.
Looking back, my husband does a lot of things for me at work and at home. But before I knew it, it became such a normal thing. This was the answer to my kokoro asking why. I had lost sight of gratitude.
I was able to Feel his Feeling and Rely on Him with Honesty
The other day, when I had to undergo a test that used a contrast agent, my husband decided to take time off from work to take me to give me a ride. This happened just when I was remembering the time when I was hospitalized for a kidney stone, and I had to endure the pain and do everything all by myself. It made me wonder why I couldn’t rely on my husband at the time.
This time, I felt bad for worrying him, but I was able to honestly say, “Thank you. Please help me.” I was able to rely on my husband with an honest feeling. I felt that my kokoro was moving forward. The test was completed successfully. Above all, I have become more grateful to my husband for being there for me and felt so reassuring to be able to rely on him.
To Become a Couple who Respects Each Other’s Thoughts
There was a time when I thought, “We’re learning the same teachings, but why can’t we come to the same thoughts?” However, I realized that it’s natural for husbands and wives to have different ways of thinking, and I started to respect my husband’s ideas and opinions.
When it comes to eating out, my husband always opts for ramen. In response to that, I used to think, “Not again?” But there’s been some changes in my kokoro… I realized something. On the way home, my husband decided to take me to a place where seasonal flowers were blooming. “What a kind person,” I thought. Where are they blooming today? I’ve started to look forward to my husband taking me to places. This is probably because we are coming together more than before. When I invite my son to eat out, he says, “Yeah, sure.” At our 60-year-old Shinkon no Gi (longevity celebration), our son said, “I was happy that I was able to give you my gratitude.” He has already agreed to go to Shinsō Honbu with us, and I’m really looking forward to it.
I can care about my husband more, wondering if he is tired, and also talk to him about my worries. I live each day with my husband feeling a peace of mind. This is what a “harmonious family” must look like! I was finally able to realize it. Together, we aim to become a loving couple so that our children can see the joy of having a warm family environment.
Finding the Principles Behind the Story from Shinji
The source of happiness is a harmonious family.
Be grateful for the encounters and the more you deepen your thoughts (love) for them (the encounters), the joy of living will grow.
You must not forget the feeling to support and to complement.
The more the kokoro of family members come together, true happiness will root in your family.
Shinji that Kami reveals are a teaching on how to live life in order to be happy. Because it is an unchanging principle that relates to all people, if you live according to the teachings, your life will definitely change for the better.