*Happoubijin is term used to describe a person who is a people pleaser, social butterfly always putting on a façade.
(MS from Iwate Prefecture/20s/Female/College Student)
One day, a friend told me, “People say you are a happoubijin.” I knew it myself; but I don’t want people to dislike me. Actually, I started thinking this way when I was in elementary school. Even now that I am a college student, I am always careful of those around me because of the experience of hurting my friends with just few words and being talked about behind my back.
The More I Try to Please People, the More it Hurts
Still, I have good friends and my days are fulfilling. Last year, I was assigned to be in charge of the illumination project. While I was busy making preparations, I was given more and more responsibilities, such as vice president and treasurer for the project.
When one of our project members is unable to participate due to part-time work, I would say, “Oh, no worries. It’s okay.” But in my heart, I am thinking, “Why am I the only one working here?” But I also don’t want to rely and ask someone for help and cause trouble for them… “Then I’ll just do it myself.” But it was actually very difficult and painful, and I was crying at home.
The First Person I Asked for Help Was…
I thought about talking to my parents, but they live far away and they both work and are busy. So, I went to Hikari no Yakata by myself.
Even though I learned in the study group that I should talk to my family about everything, it becomes even more difficult when I don’t get the answers I want from my parents. As I was thinking about this, someone who was also studying at Yūki no Kai shared with me an experience. This person said, “When I honestly consulted my parents, I was able to resolve my concerns.” So, I mustered up the courage and asked my parents for advice.
When I spoke honestly about my feelings, my desire to do my best, and my negative feelings toward my peers, my parents listened carefully. The advice I received was the same as usual. But if it were me before, I would have been shocked and thought, “I wish they would just listen and not say anything.” However, on this day, I felt grateful for them being so kind and listening to me despite their busy schedule. And at the same time, I was able to take in the advice from my parents more honestly.
After talking with my parents, I felt strangely relieved and decided to rely on my project member next time. When I approached everyone, they accepted with a smile and said, “Okay!” I was very impressed by how smoothly everything went, even though we were just talking. I am also grateful to my fellow students who are working hard even though they have a part-time job to go to.
When I Realized that I was Only Considerate on the Surface and was Being Superficial
I have always been considerate to many people, but I realized my consideration was superficial. This is because I was thinking about how people would think of me. I lacked the desire to consider the other person’s situation and background. As a result, I was not able to value encounters with people.
Nowadays, I live a more carefree life and with a happy-go-lucky attitude than the time I was trying to please people. But strangely enough, people around me now see the good in me more often. People would say; “You are always smiling and polite in everything you do.” “You are kind and considerate”, etc. I’m very happy. From now on, I would like to take advantage of my strengths and cherish encounters with people in the truest sense.
Finding the Principles Behind the Story from Shinji
Learn the teachings as a family and deepen the correct involvement among the family members.
The more you enjoy and deepen the conversation with family members, human beings will create encounters with many people.
The teachings will correct the jittai; and all the encounters become a meeting that deepens and earns the trust of people (others).
The more you have trust from others, your personality is honed, your character is elevated, and come closer to a life led by unmei.
Shinji that Kami reveals are a teaching on how to live life in order to be happy. Because it is an unchanging principle that relates to all people, if you live according to the teachings, your life will definitely change for the better.