(MS from Oita Prefecture/50s/Female/Part Time Worker)
My husband is so pessimistic about everything and I wonder, “How can he be so negative?” Moreover, he is a man with very little words. On the other hand, I am optimistic and a positive person. I am also proud of my bright and light personality. There is no way that we would get along because we are two opposites who got married. Even when we are spending time together, it feels like I’m talking to myself. Although my husband says, “I’m replying in my mind.” I wanted my husband to talk about it somehow, so I am always trying various methods to get him to talk about things.
The True Self Analyzed Through the Teachings
When I learned about the importance of “conversation” in Kami’s teachings, I thought, “See, what I’m doing is not wrong after all.” However, my husband would say, “If I were the castle tower, you always try to open the doors and windows with your shoes on.” (with your shoes holds a disrespectful meaning to the other). I just want to be closer, but why? The answer also lied in Kami’s teachings.
After I started to learn the teachings, I analyzed my true self for the first time. Even if I sense that my husband must have thought a certain way, I pretended that I didn’t understand because I wanted to hear it in words. Moreover, I would find myself asking him further by saying, “What does that mean?” How did my husband feel when he heard these words? There was also a mean part of me that wanted to “correct and change him” and “get him to do what I wanted him to do.”
Accepting Personality Differences
Before asking my husband to talk and voice his feelings as much as I do, I decided to acknowledge the differences in our personalities. I decided to wait for him to feel comfortable enough to talk. If he tells me his feelings, I’ll listen to it till the end. I want to try to accept my husband’s feelings… It was a big change of mindset/kokoro for me.
Then, I realized something. “My husband has a big heart.” My husband was open to whatever I wanted to say, so I was able to talk freely about whatever I wanted. That gratitude towards him sprouted within me.
As if influenced by my change of kokoro, my husband also began to open up about his feelings to me—one at a time. He now tells me things that I used to think it was useless to even tell him. Moreover, recently, there are more positive and bright words from him than just negative comments that I used to hear.
Confident Enough to Say that I have No Worries
The other day, when I returned home, I found a ‘how-to reference book’ in my room. When I saw that, I suddenly remembered. Before I became a shinja, I was in a dark place and was always worried and anxious. I was so protected by Kami that I forgot my true self. Today, my life is completely different from back then, and I can say that I have no worries. Every day I feel like my husband and I have grown closer to each other, and it’s truly a blessing.
Finding the Principles Behind the Story from Shinji
To spark a kokoro of harmony, all people must learn the teachings as a family, and must reflect what they have learned in the way they use their kokoro towards the family.
Accept the other’s feelings; return words putting your feelings on top of the words you use. Repetition of this creates strong ties.
Shinji that Kami reveals are a teaching on how to live life in order to be happy. Because it is an unchanging principle that relates to all people, if you live according to the teachings, your life will definitely change for the better.