I have endured verbal abuse from my husband, but recently he has started to raise his hands towards my 4-year-old son. My son wakes up many times during the night and can’t get back to sleep. I wonder if I should run away to my parents’ house and live separately, or if I should divorce for the sake of my child. (Female in her 30s)
A
Simply changing the environment through separation or divorce will not provide a fundamental solution to the problem. This is because the factors that lead to such hardships remain within us—Kami tells us that this is jittai. Unless this jittai is corrected, similar situations will continue to occur over and over again. Moreover, it will be passed down to your children and grandchildren.
The fundamental solution can definitely be found by changing your kokoro in line with Kami’s teachings. Now is the time to use the teachings as sustain, and correct the jittai.
Shinji
Family environment is an important environment where human beings (people) are born and raised.
It is the source of life that hones and raises the unmei-jittai.
Whether to make use of this environment or not; it all depends on each and every person’s awareness.
As each and every family member learns the teaching, and to only have an awareness to live with the principles, the unmei-jittai (kokoro) of family members will gradually and naturally come together and complement one another while the jittai is raised.
We tend to think that the person who commits violence is at fault, but there are also factors that lead to such behavior. Reflect on how you interacted with your husband; such as whether you were trying to accept his emotional state of mind and whether you were creating a warm atmosphere in which he could talk about his feelings. If you study Kami’s teachings, you will realize and notice some things that needs to be fixed. Offering kigan can give you a peace of mind and allows you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.
Then, face your husband and tell him your true feelings, such as what you want to fix and how painful the violence is. Also, listen to his true feelings. Offer your kigan and try to talk calmly so that you can be in harmony with your husband and be able to communicate with him.
The first thing to do is to initiate the interaction with warmness. When you change yourself, the other person will also start to change. Only by improving the family environment can we protect the children.