(SK from Miyazaki Prefecture/Female/60s/Care worker)
“I’m pregnant. I will raise the baby by myself.” My daughter’s words were a shock and my mind went blank.
If it was my usual me, I would have yelled, “Huh? Why!” and vented my feelings to my husband. This is my true personality. But instead, I honestly thought, “We should be happy to be given new life…and we have to cherish it.” One wrong word out from my mouth might have shattered our daughter’s kokoro and ended up with an end of relationship with my daughter. That thought of losing my daughter was horrific to me.
This is My Chance to Change!
But then, to be honest, I found it difficult to accept this situation, thinking, “Why did this happen in the first place?” So, when I consulted sōdan (consultation), I was told that what I needed to do now was to “Bring me and my husband’s kokoro together and face my daughter with compassion.” But for me and my husband who has never even had a fight, what was there to change?
However, when I calmly reflected our relationship, there was one thing after another that needed to be modified in our relationship: Make my own decision and tell my husband afterwards, and not paying attention to my husband’s words. I’m easily disturbed and can become easily emotional and impose my ideas on others. I reflected on myself and thought to myself how selfish I had been. “Now is my chance to change myself!”
What I also saw was my tendency to try to do something on my own. So, I told my husband, “I want to deal with our daughter together,” and started talking to him about my daughter, everyday shopping, and just about anything. I would say; “Honey, what do you think?” or “What do you think we should do?” It was the first time that I had ever experienced the feeling that just having someone listen to my feelings made me feel calmer. I finally realized that I had thought that I was conversing and relying on him, but in reality, I wasn’t doing it at all.
When the Kokoro of a Husband and Wife Come Together…
What I lacked was the generosity to be considerate of other people’s feelings. As I offered kigan for this peace of mind, my kokoro began to flow gently, thinking, “My daughter must be really worried,” “My husband and I should watch over this together,” and “I’ll talk to my husband about this.”
When I am facing the same direction as my husband, the atmosphere in the house flows gentle. Amid these changes, my daughter also changed her thoughts and decided to raise the child with her boyfriend. After receiving the Fukutai no Gi Ceremony and progressing in their own ways, my daughter safely gave birth. At the Kangūsai Ceremony, I watched my daughter gently snuggle up to my son-in-law, who was holding the child with great care. And I decided I want to watch over them warmly and deepen the bond between our two families.
I am Where I am Today Because I Met Kami
Before the baby was born, my husband always calmly accepted the situation with a big heart— even when I got irritated with them not coming to report to us about their decisions. If it wasn’t for my husband, I don’t think I would have had the heart to watch over them warmly.
My daughter told me this the other day. “The reason we are where we are today is because of the kindness of you, mom and dad…” My daughter’s kokoro is calm, and I can sense that she has a strong desire to be a mother, which is so reassuring.
Kami saved my husband and I through my daughter’s situation. I’m grateful that we met Kami, and I sincerely hope that we can create a true family one step at a time.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tell us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
Learn the teachings yourself, and acquire it; and make the effort to tie the family member’s kokoro with love.
Gradually, conversation among family members will increase; and you will start to see the state of kokoro on how family environment should be.
In a family environment where the husband and wife get along and deepen their trust; gradually and naturally, the parent’s and the child’s kokoro will come together and the felings (expectation) to support with love will sprout.
The teachings will connect the kokoro of family members and will help lead to a life without regrets.