(HA from Aichi Prefecture/50s/Female/Unemployed)
My mother used to be healthy and was never ill. But she fell ill to cerebral infarction 7 years ago. The doctors said she was in a serious condition. And my life as a care-giver started just like that without being able to fully process the situation.
She was discharged from the hospital, but her right side of the body was still paralyzed and couldn’t speak. Trying to get her up the stairs was a big deal. My younger sister who works as a care giver lives close by. When I would ask for some help she would tell me, “No. If you want to take a break, you should forget about being so nice and bring her to short stays at a daycare.” I couldn’t expect any help from my sister. I was feeling devastated both physically and emotionally.
Changing from My Point of View to My Sister’s Point of View
In the teachings, we learn the importance of talking things over with the family. However, my sister is very short-tempered and if I make a mistake using just one word, it will be a big fight between us. But knowing that my mother’s wish is for us to get along, I truly wanted to get along with my sister better.
As I learned the teachings of Kami, I started to think how my sister looked at me—how did I portrayed to her. Was I hard to talk to? Was I being a sister who was difficult to give a helping hand? Gradually, I started to see how she thought about me. “She must have wanted to rest on her days off…” –my views about her started to change.
My Mother’s Health Protected
Amid all this, there was a surprising change that occurred. My sister who would never give me a helping hand said, “Why don’t you go out with your friends for lunch or something. I’ll take over mom.” Or she would nicely ask if I wanted to join her for lunch.
After suffering a cerebral infarction, my mother suffered other conditions like; acute cholecystitis and rectal cancer. Although it was tough, she got over a lot with the protection of Kami. Our doctors are surprised saying how amazing it is to not be bedridden after suffering all her serious conditions. The staffs at her day-care are also surprised saying, “I’ve never seen a person who has recovered so well.”
Having the Time of My Life
I was worried how my strong mother would emotionally be after being paralyzed and unable to move or talk like she wanted to. But she is happy—smiling every single day. She has never cried, depressed, or frustrated about the entire situation.
My mother’s smile is like a child. And it seems like she is showing me her pure feelings. My mother, who talks to me with her smiles is my mother—and she will always be my mother. We never showed affection to each other, but lately we would give each other a hug. I feel like our kokoro is getting closer and closer one year at a time.
My sister would come see us on her day off and she would sometimes give us some spending money saying, “I got a bonus…” My care-giving life is filled with Kami’s protection. I can truly say that I am having the time of my life, and very grateful for it.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
When you live by the principles of path, all people will be led in the hands of Kami and will live out a happy life.
Each family member should know their respective roles and converse with each other and live.
Care-giving—there will be no burden on anyone’s kokoro if the family members support and complement each other’s kokoro.
The kokoro of family will be healthy and protected in the hands of Kami for ever and ever to come.