(MY from Kanagawa Prefecture/50s/Female/Self-Employed)
Last year, I lost my brother and my father in quick succession. Furthermore, I had to take care of my mother. Indeed, it was the hardest period in my life. And to make matters worse, my husband was diagnosed with a developmental disorder. It was a harsh reality that I was confronted with after 20 years of marriage.
I had always felt that he was a bit queer and strange person―being too particular about things, often uttering hurtful words without meaning any harm. The hardest thing was that he didn’t seem to take our household matters seriously as if he had nothing to do with it. When I told him I was having a hard time doing housework and caring for our children, he would say, “Oh, are you? Hang in there.” He would never say anything nice, like, “Then, on my days off, I’ll take them out somewhere.”
The Clue to the Solution Found in Kami’s Teachings
Even though the causes of his queer deeds were made clear, I couldn’t accept the reality. Unable to deal with my emotions, I thought it might be impossible to get along with him anymore. But deep in our hearts, we had the hope to get along. Mentally exhausted, I often visited Kami no Yakata to learn the teachings and offer kigan.
As I learned the teachings, I came to see that the clue to the solution was “to talk with one’s family about anything that’s on one’s mind,” which Kami teaches us repeatedly. Then, I asked my husband the reason why he was not willing to help me, and he replied, “I understood that you needed help, but I had no idea what to do.”
He said that he always wanted to cooperate with me and help me, and that he would understand if I specifically showed him what to do. This hit me. I should have told him how I felt. I hadn’t expressed it at all. Instead, I had been always expecting him to ask me on his own accord―blaming him for not sensing my thoughts. Plus, I had even labeled him as a ruthless person. For the first time, I felt terribly sorry for him.
My husband is not good at taking the message. However, there are times when I cannot sense the other’s feelings. So, I have decided to put my thoughts and feelings into words more actively. Not because he has a developmental disorder, but because he is my husband. Now, I feel very positive. I’m sure we can make up for each other’s shortcomings.
I Came to See My Husband’s Feelings
He accepts it when I ask him to do something for us. I momentarily wondered if he was doing so out of a sense of duty, but wondrously, I have come to see his true feelings―he is acting to lighten the burden of me and our children.
My gratitude towards him has been growing increasingly, like, “I’m glad you cooked us meals when I was busy,” and “Thank you for picking me up on a rainy day.” And I was moved to tears by the dedication he gave to my brother when he fell ill. Although I’d thought I was supporting my husband, I felt vice versa, too.
Feeling Relaxed and Light-Hearted
Our home is in the brightest and calmest atmosphere in the past several years. Our children, too, love him very much. Even if he behaves unstably from time to time, they support him, saying, “I think this is how Dad is feeling.”
“Honestly putting my thoughts and feelings into words.” Although this may be a trivial thing, it’s something I couldn’t do because I was taking it all on myself. Now, I am feeling relaxed and light-hearted―experiencing the joy of spending quality time with my family wearing a happy smile.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
To attain a life that is in sync with your unmei, make use of the principles in your family, and cherish a home environment where your thoughts come together.
There is nothing difficult.
Just enjoy having conversations, and communicate your thoughts and feelings with one another.
Sharing your thoughts will allow you to understand one another, gradually leading to a family where harmony is fostered.