(SK from Yamanashi Prefecture/Female/70s/Housewife)
The man who used to be my boss at work, was very responsible, trustworthy, and thoughtful.
I used to think that if I were to marry someone, I would like to marry someone like this… Well, my thoughts came true, and I got married to him 43 years ago.
“Who is this man?” –this came across my mind right after when we came back from our honeymoon. There was no conversation… In fact, I couldn’t make a conversation with him. He would read books during meals. When we were not eating, he would put on his headphones and read in the living room. The small conversations we had were like conversations that would be made between a boss and his employee. He liked to spend his time alone, and there were times when he would come up to me and said, “I wrote down my schedule on the white board, so read it.”
Even as his family, there was no way to reach his kokoro. We didn’t even have a fight because there was no conversation to begin with. When my son got married and left the nest, he asked me saying, “Are you going to be okay with Dad alone?” My son seemed really worried about me. And I was stuck that my son saw it that way.
Things I Realized after Living Alone with My Husband Again
With just the two of us in the house, there were times when we would not talk to each other for 2 weeks. My loneliness was getting bigger and bigger. It was right around that time, I realized something as I was studying the teachings of Kami—I realized how the teachings would emphasize that the family is our foundation and we need to cherish it. This was something I believed I was been doing for the past 40 years, but to be honest, I wasn’t really paying attention to it at all.
In our days of our long marriage life, people around me would say, “It’s because it’s you…You can only do this. If it were someone else, the marriage is over long time ago.” There was a kokoro inside of me that always thought that ‘he is lucky I am here to stay with him.’ I always tried to be considerate about him, but it was true that there were times when I wasn’t. In fact, I remember when my children told me, “We were so worried because you were using words to hurt Dad!”
There were times when I didn’t even realize when he did things around the house. I realized there were many things I needed to reflect and admit that I was at fault too.
My Husband Changed, but I Did Too…
I thought I needed to change something. So, I started to make effort to use words that were a bit gentler to his ears. And when he listened, I would give my true appreciation and thank him from the bottom of my heart. I would deliver my husband my true feelings by saying, “The vegetables you make are the best.” Or tell him about the things I felt good and happy about. It made me realize how much I kept from him but letting my feelings go without telling him. I didn’t realize such small thing until today. And as soon as I started telling my feelings to my husband, the relationship that never changed for 40 years, started to change for the better.
My husband would ask me, “What vegetable should I grow next?” Or when I sighed saying, “Ahh…I want a sickle for left handed people…,” he went out somewhere far to go get me one. And the schedule that used to be written on the white board, has changed to verbal communications. He would tell me like, “I’m going to go…” We also went on a trip together which I never thought that it would be something we would do together. It’s amazing how changed, and my kokoro feels happy to be with him.
When I would enter the living room, my husband used to leave the living room. But now, he would relax in the living room with me. He would even joke around with our grandchildren. The grandchildren love him as his grandpa. And my daughter was surprised and she told me, “Dad has changed lately…” It took us a while, but we have achieved and earned our happiness. And I am happy to say that I think I can move on to achieve a life without regrets with my husband by my side.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
Be in touch with the teachings to seek for the secrets to attain a life without regrets.
Naturally, you will start to see the state (basis) of a family environment, and the feelings (love) to involve with the family members will start to sprout.
Strive to make a family environment that interacts with the teachings.
Conversations among the family will increase and the kokoro (love) to be compassionate, to be involved, and to support each other will foster.