(NK from Ehime Prefecture/Female/60s/Housewife)
There was a Shinji on Kyōkai calendar that said; No matter how much difficulty you experience, no matter how much sadness you may feel, the support with love will fulfill the kokoro. And I would say to my husband, “This is exactly talking about us—our relationship!” My husband would smile feeling a little shy. I never thought we could become like this.
Unlike me, who was brought up in a freewheeling family environment, my husband was brought up in a rigid and serious family. When I talk to him while watching tv, he would never answer me back. He would then say, “Please turn off that comedic tv.” I would learn the importance of conversations between husband and wife based on the teachings. But our conversations would never last. My heart was aching.
An Event That Became a Turning Point
Just about six months ago, I had an extremely bad pain in my tooth. I thought it should be fine, but the pain continued. And the pain got worse to a point where I couldn’t talk. It was even hard to say “My tooth is aching and I’m suffering.” I was then diagnosed as having trigeminal neuralgia—which is still an unknown disease. I couldn’t digest what was going on, and why this was happening to me.
During times of difficulty, I know it would be the best to rely on my husband. But I knew I couldn’t do that because he is a difficult person who yells at everything, and would ignore me even if I try to talk to him. But surprisingly, he would continue to ask me, “Are you alright?” and show that he cared as I started to weaken each and every day.
Is This the Husband I Have Known?
The teachings would say, ‘Husband and wife should talk to each other about anything…even about a mosquito bite.’ This sounded easier than I thought, and helped me feel a little more at ease about putting the teachings into practice. I thought my husband would not listen or even ignore me. But I tried to talk to him with courage. Then surprisingly, he answered me back and responded to everything I said!
I felt a big comfort when he sat beside me when I couldn’t talk with so much pain. He would come with me to the doctor’s visit and talk to my doctor for me. I truly felt his kindness and was touched when I saw his sympathetic act of kindness, treating my disease as his own illness. And at the same time, I felt really bad about how I treated him in the past. I realized that I was just looking at one part of him and thought of him as a “stubborn person.”
In retrospect, I think I was never considerate about the other person’s situation or their way of thinking. I was only talking to them from my point of view. And at the same time, I think I was being arrogant thinking I was always right because I am learning the teachings. That is why my husband said I was being bossy. Kami keeps telling us the importance of ‘conversations among husband and wife.’ But why was I not aware of this and let his words just pass by so easily? Perhaps if this incident did not happen, I would have never deeply thought about my attitude, would have never challenged to change myself, and would have walked a life so regretting and filled with remorse.
A Special Moment; Feeling the Connection of Our Kokoro
Just about when my kokoro started to anchor, we started to see positive results from my treatment. And the amount of medications I had to take started to become less and less. There are days when I am in pain, but I am able to take it in with a calm attitude.
One day, my husband said, “There’s a really nice place. Do you want to go?” And he took me to a stylish café after my visit to the hospital. If we were to dine out, my husband is a type who chooses noodles or ramen. I was surprised he chose a stylish café. But I would never forget this incident. I want to continue to walk my journey together with my husband.
Heeding the Shinji to Understand the Reasons for the Joys Experienced
Shinji is the universal principle (truth), and can also be the guidance of life that foresees the future. Please feel the wonders of a life that flows exactly in a way the Shinji tells us when you live with the teachings of Kami.
Shinji
Have gratitude to the encounters you have, and communicate your feelings.
The more the kokoro of family comes together, true happiness will take root in your family.
The kokoro of harmony will further deepen the husband and wife’s encounter, and the circle of happiness will spread.
This is how true health is achieved.