It’s just me and my husband at home after our children got married and left the nest. My husband is a very short-tempered man, and I feel terribly scared when he gets upset. I try to obey and do things what my husband tells me to do, but I suffer emotionally and don’t feel safe. (Female in her 60s)
A
Each member of the family has their own roles. Families are often explained using a tree; the husband is the root that supports the family; the wife is the trunk that connects and ties the kokoro of each family members; and the children are the branches. Now that the children have left the nest and created trees of their own, it is your time to reflect on your own tree where the root and the trunk is left to stand.
To bring the kokoro of each other by allowing yourselves to have honest communication about your feelings, is what allows the root and the trunk to maintain its good balance as husband and wife. Avoiding clashes by hesitating and being reserved will not help to make a family environment that makes you feel calm and secure. Unless you solve the root of the problem, you will leave bad elements not just for yourselves, but to the children who have left the nest.
Shinji
Learn the teachings and strive to live by the principles.
Until the principle reflects on the state of your kokoro, continue to kigan for a kokoro to be in merge with your role.
Your thoughts (love/compassion) will naturally be directed to your family and conversations will deepen.
Understand the ‘Principles of Life’; how much a harmonious family protects your life.
Why does your husband act so strong against you? How does he see you? As you learn the teachings and deepen your understanding, you will start to see things you’ve never seen before. Strive to make the teachings a part of you.
When your kokoro changes, the kokoro of the other person will change simultaneously. Although the temperament may not be changed, you will find his short-temper appearing less and less, and be surprised to see things settle.
Happiness awaits in your twilight years when you face your husband and do your best to bring your kokoro together to join your journey as husband and wife. And furthermore, good elements will be passed on for your children to experience happiness.