As my daughter entered middle school, she started to become rather violent. With some professional advice from the doctor, she started living with my parents (her grandparents). However, my parents are giving up on my daughter too. I even have a sense of hatred towards her now. (Female in her 40s)
A
Knowing your child’s personality and characteristics, it is the responsibility of the parents to provide an environment where the child can develop with a sense of calmness. The main pillar of child-rearing is the parents. You can seek for professional advice or support in the process, but you can’t ask others to do the work for you to help your child grow.
Shinji
Knowing the correct kokoro as parents to lead the child to be independent, husband and wife must come together with their feelings to interact with their child.
What you must understand as parents now is to value the conversation between the husband and wife, and tell the parents feelings to the child.
As long as the kokoro of parents are one, the child’s kokoro will anchor. The first thing you can do is to reflect how you were as your child’s parents. Is there a mutual trust with your husband from the heart? Were the both of you involved to face your daughter to deliver your love to her? Although there were no actual fights, were you just trying not to make waves? It is important to face this problem from the heart and realize what was missing. And together as parents, let your daughter know how you both truly feel. And she may act repulsive at the beginning, but stay focused with a strong determination. Don’t turn your back or give up and accept the reality. The husband and wife must come together and continue to show compassion and love to the child.
Eventually, the child’s kokoro will experience a sense of security and regain her sense of calmness. Although it may take time, there will be a comfortable family environment filled with conversation at the end of the tunnel.