I am usually good with people, but there is this one friend whom I get easily frustrated and cannot seem to get along. I know it’s not right. But I cannot help myself trying to get away or blaming this one person. (Female in her 40s)
A
People have different personalities and characters, and it’s normal to find someone you find it hard to get along with. There is no need to try to get along with every person you meet, but avoiding them or giving them an attitude will drive you off the right path and hurt their feelings at the same time.
Shinji (*1)
The truth about human kokoro (*2) is that they go their own way, be selfish, and live centered around their own kokoro.
It is okay to live with an egocentric self, but you need to have the kokoro to be generous to not cut ties.
When you live by the teachings, you see the other person’s kokoro.
And when you see the other person’s kokoro, that is when you can make the best out of your meetings.
To dislike or to feel uncomfortable about a person comes from your perspectives set on your values. You have to realize there is someone who truly loves that person even if you feel indifferent with them.
To establish a good human relationship, you should have the generosity to see the other person with calmness and without emotions. Keeping a good distance where you feel comfortable with the other person will take off a lot of the pressure from you. When you face them with a balanced kokoro, you can see them more objectively and perhaps find some good points about them.
There are different types to human relationships—friends, employer, colleagues, people who share your hobbies, etc. For instance, workplace is not a place to find friends, but a place to do your job. Knowing the place, purpose and keeping those line straight, you will find yourself lowering your expectations and trying to build human relationships without going out of your way.
*1 Shinji: The principles and teachings that are the word of Ōyamanezunomikoto and given to us through Shisha.
*2 kokoro: The thoughts and emotions that constantly move between the soul (unmei) and the physical body (jittai); if the kokoro is influenced by our temperament and other physical predispositions of our jittai, it becomes unbalanced; if it becomes one with our unmei, the kokoro becomes balanced and anchored.